By Jan Sjostrom
What can the works of a
playwright who lived 2,500 years ago have to say to us today? Rather a lot,
according to Mark Perlberg, host of Aristophanes: The Father of Comedy, which
will be presented at 2 and 7 p.m. Tuesday at Palm Beach Dramaworks, 201
Clematis St., West Palm Beach.
“With respect to dramatic
comedy, Aristophanes is where it all began,” he said. “For scripts 2,500 years
old, they are shockingly relevant and funny.” Aristophanes, the greatest
representative of ancient Greek comedy, was known for his bold satire, often
licentious humor and wild imagination.
In his presentation, Perlberg
will talk about Aristophanes, ancient Greek theater and life in ancient Greece.
Performers Wayne LeGette, Margery Lowe and Erin Joy Schmidt will read scenes
from Aristophanes’ plays, including Wasp, which is about a dog on trial for
stealing cheese.
For tickets, call 514-4042 or
visit palmbeachdramaworks.org.
FROM WIKIPEDIA
Aristophanes (c. 446 – c. 386
BC), son of Philippus, of the deme Cydathenaeum,3 was a comic playwright of
ancient Athens. Eleven of his thirty plays survive virtually complete. These,
together with fragments of some of his other plays, provide the only real
examples of a genre of comic drama known as Old Comedy, and they are used to
define the genre.4 Also known as the Father of Comedy and the Prince of Ancient
Comedy,6 Aristophanes has been said to recreate the life of ancient Athens more
convincingly than any other author.
His powers of ridicule were feared and
acknowledged by influential contemporaries; Plato89 singled out Aristophanes'
play The Clouds as slander that contributed to the trial and subsequent
condemning to death of Socrates although other satirical playwrights10 had also
caricatured the philosopher.
His second play, The
Babylonians (now lost), was denounced by the demagogue Cleon as a slander
against the Athenian polis. It is possible that the case was argued in court
but details of the trial are not recorded and Aristophanes caricatured Cleon
mercilessly in his subsequent plays, especially The Knights, the first of many
plays that he directed himself. "In my opinion," he says through the
Chorus in that play, "the author-director of comedies has the hardest job
of all." (κωμῳδοδιδασκαλίαν εἶναι
χαλεπώτατον ἔργον ἁπάντων)11
Less is known about
Aristophanes than about his plays. In fact, his plays are the main source of
information about him. It was conventional in Old Comedy for the Chorus to
speak on behalf of the author during an address called the 'parabasis' and thus
some biographical facts can be found there.
However, these facts relate
almost entirely to his career as a dramatist and the plays contain few clear
and unambiguous clues about his personal beliefs or his private life.13 He was
a comic poet in an age when it was conventional for a poet to assume the role
of 'teacher' (didaskalos), and though this specifically referred to his
training of the Chorus in rehearsal, it also covered his relationship with the
audience as a commentator on significant issues.14
Aristophanes claimed to be
writing for a clever and discerning audience,15 yet he also declared that
'other times' would judge the audience according to its reception of his
plays.16 He sometimes boasts of his originality as a dramatist17 yet his plays
consistently espouse opposition to radical new influences in Athenian society.
He caricatured leading figures in the arts (notably Euripides, whose influence
on his own work however he once begrudgingly acknowledged),18 in politics
(especially the populist Cleon), and in philosophy/religion (where Socrates was
the most obvious target). Such caricatures seem to imply that Aristophanes was
an old-fashioned conservative, yet that view of him leads to contradictions.19
It has been argued that
Aristophanes produced plays mainly to entertain the audience and to win
prestigious competitions.20 His plays were written for production at the great
dramatic festivals of Athens, the Lenaia and City Dionysia, where they were
judged and awarded prizes in competition with the works of other comic
dramatists. An elaborate series of lotteries, designed to prevent prejudice and
corruption, reduced the voting judges at the City Dionysia to just five in
number.
These judges probably reflected
the mood of the audiences21 yet there is much uncertainty about the composition
of those audiences.22 The theatres were certainly huge, with seating for at
least 10 000 at the Theatre of Dionysus. The day's program at the City Dionysia
for example was crowded, with three tragedies and a 'satyr' play ahead of a
comedy, but it is possible that many of the poorer citizens (typically the main
supporters of demagogues like Cleon) occupied the festival holiday with other
pursuits. The conservative views expressed in the plays might therefore reflect
the attitudes of the dominant group in an unrepresentative audience.
The production process might also have
influenced the views expressed in the plays. Throughout most of Aristophanes'
career, the Chorus was essential to a play's success and it was recruited and
funded by a choregus, a wealthy citizen appointed to the task by one of the
archons. A choregus could regard his personal expenditure on the Chorus as a
civic duty and a public honour, but Aristophanes showed in The Knights that
wealthy citizens might regard civic responsibilities as punishment imposed on
them by demagogues and populists like Cleon.23 Thus the political conservatism
of the plays may reflect the views of the wealthiest section of Athenian
society, on whose generosity all dramatists depended for putting on their
plays.24
When Aristophanes' first play
The Banqueters was produced, Athens was an ambitious, imperial power and The
Peloponnesian War was only in its fourth year. His plays often express pride in
the achievement of the older generation (the victors at Marathon)2526 yet they
are not jingoistic, and they are staunchly opposed to the war with Sparta. The
plays are particularly scathing in criticism of war profiteers, among whom
populists such as Cleon figure prominently.
By the time his last play was
produced (around 386 BC) Athens had been defeated in war, its empire had been
dismantled and it had undergone a transformation from being the political to
the intellectual centre of Greece.27 Aristophanes was part of this
transformation and he shared in the intellectual fashions of the period — the
structure of his plays evolves from Old Comedy until, in his last surviving
play, Wealth II, it more closely resembles New Comedy. However it is uncertain
whether he led or merely responded to changes in audience expectations.28
Aristophanes won second prize
at the City Dionysia in 427 BC with his first play The Banqueters (now lost).
He won first prize there with his next play, The Babylonians (also now lost). It
was usual for foreign dignitaries to attend the City Dionysia, and The
Babylonians caused some embarrassment for the Athenian authorities since it
depicted the cities of the Athenian League as slaves grinding at a mill.29 Some
influential citizens, notably Cleon, reviled the play as slander against the
polis and possibly took legal action against the author. The details of the
trial are unrecorded but, speaking through the hero of his third play The
Acharnians (staged at the Lenaia, where there were few or no foreign
dignitaries), the poet carefully distinguishes between the polis and the real
targets of his acerbic wit:
ἡμῶν γὰρ ἄνδρες,
κοὐχὶ τὴν πόλιν
λέγω,
μέμνησθε τοῦθ᾽ ὅτι οὐχὶ τὴν πόλιν
λέγω,
ἀλλ᾽ ἀνδράρια
μοχθηρά, παρακεκομμένα...30
People among us, and I don't
mean the polis,
Remember this — I don't mean
the polis -
But wicked little men of a
counterfeit kind....
Aristophanes repeatedly savages
Cleon in his later plays. But these satirical diatribes appear to have had no
effect on Cleon's political career — a few weeks after the performance of The
Knights - a play full of anti-Cleon jokes - Cleon was elected to the
prestigious board of ten generals.31 Cleon also seems to have had no real power
to limit or control Aristophanes: the caricatures of him continued up to and
even beyond his death.
In the absence of clear
biographical facts about Aristophanes, scholars make educated guesses based on
interpretation of the language in the plays. Inscriptions and summaries or
comments by Hellenistic and Byzantine scholars can also provide useful clues.
We know however from a combination of these sources,32 and especially from
comments in The Knights33 and The Clouds,34 that Aristophanes' first three
plays were not directed by him — they were instead directed by Callistratus and
Philoneides,35 an arrangement that seemed to suit Aristophanes since he appears
to have used these same directors in many later plays as well (Philoneides for
example later directed
The Frogs and he was also cred,
perhaps wrongly, with directing The Wasps.)36 Aristophanes's use of directors
complicates our reliance on the plays as sources of biographical information
because apparent self-references might have been made with referencee to his
directors instead. Thus for example a statement by the chorus in The
Acharnians37 seems to indicate that the 'poet' had a close, personal
association with the island of Aegina, yet the terms 'poet' (poietes) and
'director' (didaskalos) are often interchangeable as dramatic poets usually
directed their own plays and therefore the reference in the play could be
either to Aristophanes or Callistratus. Similarly, the hero in The Acharnians
complains about Cleon "dragging me into court" over "last year's
play"38 but here again it is not clear if this was said in reference to
Aristophanes or Callistratus, either of whom might have been prosecuted by
Cleon.39
Comments made by the Chorus
referring to Aristophanes in The Clouds40 have been interpreted as evidence
that he can hardly have been more than 18 years old when his first play The
Banqueters was produced.41 The second parabasis in Wasps42 appears to indicate
that he reached some kind of temporary accommodation with Cleon following
either the controversy over The Babylonians or a subsequent controversy over The
Knights.43 It has been inferred1 from statements in The Clouds and Peace that
Aristophanes was prematurely bald.44
We know that Aristophanes was
probably victorious at least once at the City Dionysia (with Babylonians in
427)45 and at least three times at the Lenaia, with Acharnians in 425, Knights
in 424, and Frogs in 405. Frogs in fact won the unique distinction of a repeat
performance at a subsequent festival. We know that a son of Aristophanes,
Araros, was also a comic poet and he could have been heavily involved in the
production of his father's play Wealth II in 388.46 Araros is also thought to
have been responsible for the posthumous performances of the now lost plays
Aeolosicon II and Cocalus,47 and it is possible that the last of these won the
prize at the City Dionysia in 387.48 It appears that a second son, Philippus,
was twice victorious at the Lenaia49 and he could have directed some of
Eubulus’ comedies.50 A third son was called either Nicostratus or
Philetaerus,51 and a man by the latter name appears in the catalogue of Lenaia
victors with two victories, the first probably in the late 370s.52
Plato's The Symposium appears
to be a useful source of biographical information about Aristophanes, but its
reliability is open to doubt.53 It purports to be a record of conversations at
a dinner party at which both Aristophanes and Socrates are guests, held some
seven years after the performance of The Clouds, the play in which Socrates was
cruelly caricatured. One of the guests, Alcibiades, even quotes from the play
when teasing Socrates over his appearance54 and yet there is no indication of
any ill-feeling between Socrates and Aristophanes.
Plato's Aristophanes is in fact
a genial character and this has been interpreted as evidence of Plato's own
friendship with him55 (their friendship appears to be corroborated by an
epitaph for Aristophanes, reputedly written by Plato, in which the playwright's
soul is compared to an eternal shrine for the Graces).56 Plato was only a boy
when the events in The Symposium are supposed to have occurred and it is
possible that his Aristophanes is in fact based on a reading of the plays. For
example, conversation among the guests turns to the subject of Love and
Aristophanes explains his notion of it in terms of an amusing allegory, a
device he often uses in his plays. He is represented as suffering an attack of
hiccoughs and this might be a humorous reference to the crude physical jokes in
his plays. He tells the other guests that he is quite happy to be thought
amusing but he is wary of appearing ridiculous.5758 This fear of being
ridiculed is consistent with his declaration in The Knights that he embarked on
the career of comic playwright warily after witnessing the public contempt and
ridicule that other dramatists had incurred.59
Aristophanes survived The
Peloponnesian War, two oligarchic revolutions and two democratic restorations;
this has been interpreted as evidence that he was not actively involved in
politics despite his highly political plays.60 He was probably appointed to the
Council of Five Hundred for a year at the beginning of the fourth century but
such appointments were very common in democratic Athens.61 Socrates, in the
trial leading up to his own death, put the issue of a personal conscience in
those troubled times quite succinctly:
ἀναγκαῖόν ἐστι τὸν τῷ ὄντι
μαχούμενον ὑπὲρ τοῦ
δικαίου, καὶ εἰ μέλλει
ὀλίγον
χρόνον σωθήσεσθαι, ἰδιωτεύειν ἀλλὰ μὴ
δημοσιεύειν.62
"...he who will really
fight for the right, if he would live even for a little while, must have a
private station and not a public one.63
The language of Aristophanes'
plays, and in Old Comedy generally, was valued by ancient commentators as a
model of the Attic dialect. The orator Quintilian believed that the charm and
grandeur of the Attic dialect made Old Comedy an example for orators to study
and follow, and he considered it inferior in these respects only to the works
of Homer.6465 A revival of interest in the Attic dialect may have been
responsible for the recovery and circulation of Aristophanes' plays during the
4th and 5th centuries AD, resulting in their survival today.64 In Aristophanes'
plays, the Attic dialect is couched in verse and his plays can be appreciated
for their poetic qualities.
For Aristophanes'
contemporaries the works of Homer and Hesiod formed the cornerstones of
Hellenic history and culture. Thus poetry had a moral and social significance
that made it an inevitable topic of comic satire.66 Aristophanes was very
conscious of literary fashions and traditions and his plays feature numerous
references to other poets. These include not only rival comic dramatists such
as Eupolis and Hermippus67 and predecessors such as Magnes, Crates and
Cratinus,68 but also tragedians, notably Aeschylus, Sophocles and Euripides,
all three of whom are mentioned in e.g. The Frogs. Aristophanes was the equal
of these great tragedians in his subtle use of lyrics.69 He appears to have
modelled his approach to language on that of Euripides in particular, so much
so that the comic dramatist Cratinus labelled him a 'Euripidaristophanist'
addicted to hair-splitting niceties.18
A full appreciation of
Aristophanes' plays requires an understanding of the poetic forms he employed
with virtuoso skill, and of their different rhythms and associations.70 There
were three broad poetic forms: iambic dialogue, tetrameter verses and lyrics:71
• Iambic dialogue: Aristophanes achieves an effect
resembling natural speech through the use of the iambic trimeter (corresponding
to the effects achieved by English poets such as Shakespeare using iambic
pentameters). His realistic use of the metre7273 makes it ideal for both
dialogue and soliloquy, as for instance in the prologue, before the arrival of
the Chorus, when the audience is introduced to the main issues in the plot. The
Acharnians opens with these three lines by the hero, Dikaiopolis (rendered here
in English as iambic pentameters):
How many are the things that
vex my heart!
Pleasures are few, so very few
— just four -
But stressful things are
manysandthousandsandheaps!74
Here Aristophanes employs a
frequent device, arranging the syntax so that the final word in a line comes as
a comic climax.75 The hero's pleasures are so few he can number them (τέτταρα,
four) but his causes for complaint are so many they beggar numerical description
and he must invent his own word for them (ψαμμακοσιογάργαρα, literally
'sandhundredheaps', here paraphrased 'manysandthousandsandheaps'). The use of
invented compound words is another comic device frequently found in the
plays.7677
• Tetrameter catalectic verses: These are long lines of
anapests, trochees or iambs (where each line is ideally measured in four
dipodes or pairs of feet), used in various situations within each play such as:
o formal debates or agons between characters (typically in
anapestic rhythm);
o excited dialogue or heated argument (typically trochaic
rhythm, the same as in early tragedy);
o long speeches declaimed by the Chorus in parabases (in
either anapestic or trochaic rhythms);
o informal debates barely above the level of ordinary
dialogue (typically iambic).
Anapestic rhythms are naturally
jaunty (as in many limericks) and trochaic metre is suited to rapid delivery
(the word 'trochee' is in fact derived from trechein, 'to run', as demonstrated
for example by choruses who enter at speed, often in aggressive mood)78
However, even though both these rhythms can seem to 'bowl along'72 Aristophanes
often varies them through use of complex syntax and substituted metres,
adapting the rhythms to the requirements of serious argument. In an anapestic
passage in The Frogs, for instance, the character Aeschylus presents a view of
poetry that is supposed to be serious but which leads to a comic interruption
by the god, Dionysus:
AES.:It was Orpheus singing who
taught us religion and how wrong people are when they kill,
And we learned from Musaeus
medicinal cures and the science of divination.
If it's farming you want,
Hesiod knows it all, when to plant, when to harvest. How godlike
Homer got to be famous, I'll
tell if you ask: he taught us what all good men should know,
Discipline, fortitude,
battle-readiness. DIO.: But no-one taught Pantocles — yesterday
He was marching his men up and
down on parade when the crest of his helmet fell off!79
The rhythm begins at a typical
anapestic gallop, slows down to consider the revered poets Hesiod and Homer,
then gallops off again to its comic conclusion at the expense of the
unfortunate Pantocles. Such subtle variations in rhythm are common in the
plays, allowing for serious points to be made while still whetting the
audience's appetite for the next joke.
• Lyrics: Almost nothing is known about the music that
accompanied Greek lyrics, and the metre is often so varied and complex that it
is difficult for modern readers or audiences to get a feel for the intended
effects, yet Aristophanes still impresses with the charm and simplicity of his
lyrics.72 Some of the most memorable and haunting lyrics are dignified hymns
set free of the comic action80 In the example below, taken from The Wasps, the
lyric is merely a comic interlude and the rhythm is steadily trochaic. The
syntax in the original Greek is natural and unforced and it was probably
accompanied by brisk and cheerful music, gliding to a concluding pun at the
expense of Amynias, who is thought to have lost his fortune gambling.81
Though to myself I often seem
A bright chap and not awkward,
None comes close to Amynias,
Son of Sellos of the Bigwig
Clan, a man I once saw
Dine with rich Leogorus.
Now as poor as Antiphon,
He lives on apples and
pomegranates
Yet he got himself appointed
Ambassador to Pharselus,
Way up there in Thessaly,
Home of the poor Penestes:
Happy to be where everyone
Is as penniless as he is!82
The pun here in English
translation (Penestes-penniless) is a weak version of the Greek pun
Πενέσταισι-πενέστης, Penéstaisi-penéstĕs, "destitute". Many of the
puns in the plays are based on words that are similar rather than identical,
and it has been observed that there could be more of them than scholars have
yet been able to identify.83 Others are based on double meanings. Sometimes
entire scenes are constructed on puns, as in The Acharnians with the Megarian
farmer and his pigs:84 the Megaran farmer defies the Athenian embargo against
Megaran trade, and tries to trade his daughters disguised as pigs, except
"pig" was ancient slang for "vagina". Since the embargo
against Megara was the pretext for the Peloponnesian War, Aristophanes
naturally concludes that this whole mess happened because of "three
cunts".
It can be argued that the most
important feature of the language of the plays is imagery, particularly the use
of similes, metaphors and pictorial expressions.75 In 'The Knights', for
example, the ears of a character with selective hearing are represented as
parasols that open and close.85 In The Frogs, Aeschylus is said to compose
verses in the manner of a horse rolling in a sandpit.86 Some plays feature
revelations of human perfectibility that are poetic rather than religious in
character, such as the marriage of the hero Pisthetairos to Zeus's paramour in
The Birds and the 'recreation' of old Athens, crowned with roses, at the end of
The Knights.
Aristophanes and Rhetoric
It is widely believed that
Aristophanes condemned rhetoric on both moral and political grounds. He states,
“a speaker trained in the new rhetoric may use his talents to deceive the jury
and bewilder his opponents so thoroughly that the trial loses all semblance of
fairness”87 . He is speaking to the “art” of flattery, and evidence points
towards the fact that many of Aristophanes’ plays were actually created with
the intent to attack the view of rhetoric. The most noticeable attack can be
seen in his play Banqueters, in which two brothers from different educational
backgrounds argue over which education is better. One brother comes from a
background of “old-fashioned” education while the other brother appears to be a
product of the sophistic education 87 .
The chorus was mainly used by
Aristophanes as a defense against rhetoric and would often talk about topics
such as the civic duty of those who were educated in classical teachings. In
Aristophanes’ opinion it was the job of those educated adults to protect the
public from the deception and to stand as a beacon of light for those who were
more gullible than others. One of the main reasons why Aristophanes was so
against the sophists came into existence from the requirements listed by the
leaders of the organization. Money was essential, which meant that roughly all
of the pupils studying with the sophists came from upper-class backgrounds and
excluded the rest of the polis. Aristophanes believed that education and
knowledge was a public service and that anything that excluded willing minds
was nothing but an abomination.88 He concludes that all politicians that study
rhetoric must have "doubtful citizenships, unspeakable morals, and too
much arrogance”87 .
The Greek word for comedy
(kōmōidía) derives from the words for 'revel' and 'song' (kōmos and ōdē) and
according to Aristotle89 comic drama actually developed from song. The first
official comedy at the City Dionysia was not staged until 487/6 BC,90 by which
time tragedy had already been long established there. The first comedy at the
Lenaia was staged later still,91 only about 20 years before the performance
there of The Acharnians, the first of Aristophanes' surviving plays. According
to Aristotle, comedy was slow to gain official acceptance because nobody took
it seriously,92 yet only sixty years after comedy first appeared at the City
Dionysia, Aristophanes observed that producing comedies was the most difficult
work of all.93 Competition at the Dionysian festivals needed dramatic
conventions for plays to be judged, but it also fuelled innovations.94
Developments were quite rapid and Aristotle could distinguish between 'old' and
'new' comedy by 330 BC.95 The trend from Old Comedy to New Comedy saw a move
away from highly topical concerns with real individuals and local issues
towards generalized situations and stock characters. This was partly due to the
internationalization of cultural perspectives during and after the
Peloponnesian War.9697 For ancient commentators such as Plutarch,98 New Comedy
was a more sophisticated form of drama than Old Comedy. However, Old Comedy was
in fact a complex and sophisticated dramatic form incorporating many approaches
to humour and entertainment.99 In Aristophanes' early plays, the genre appears
to have developed around a complex set of dramatic conventions, and these were
only gradually simplified and abandoned.
The City Dionysia and the Lenaia
were celebrated in honour of Dionysus, the god of wine and ecstasy. (Euripides'
play The Bacchae offers the best insight into 5th century ideas about this
god.)100 Old Comedy can be understood as a celebration of the exuberant sense
of release inherent in his worship101 It was more interested in finding targets
for satire than in any kind of advocacy.102 During the City Dionysia, a statue
of the god was brought to the theatre from a temple outside the city, and it
remained in the theatre throughout the festival, overseeing the plays like a
privileged member of the audience.103 In The Frogs, the god appears also as a
dramatic character, and he enters the theatre ludicrously disguised as
Hercules. He observes to the audience that every time he is on hand to hear a
joke from a comic dramatist like Phrynichus (one of Aristophanes' rivals) he
ages by more than a year.104 This scene opens the play, and it is a reminder to
the audience that nobody is above mockery in Old Comedy — not even its patron
god and its practitioners. Gods, artists, politicians and ordinary citizens
were legitimate targets, comedy was a kind of licensed buffoonery,105 and there
was no legal redress for anyone who was slandered in a play.106 There were
certain limits to the scope of the satire, but they are not easily defined.
Impiety could be punished in 5th century Athens, but the absurdities implicit
in the traditional religion were open to ridicule.107 The polis was not allowed
to be slandered, but as stated in the biography section of this article, that
could depend on who was in the audience and which festival was involved.
For convenience, Old Comedy, as
represented by Aristophanes' early plays, is analysed below in terms of three
broad characteristics — topicality, festivity and complexity. Dramatic
structure contributes to the complexity of Aristophanes' plays. However, it is
associated with poetic rhythms and meters that have little relevance to English
translations and it is therefore treated in a separate section.
Topicality
Old Comedy's emphasis on real
personalities and local issues makes the plays difficult to appreciate today
without the aid of scholarly commentaries — see for example articles on The
Knights, The Wasps and Peace for lists of topical references. The topicality of
the plays had unique consequences for both the writing and the production of
the plays in ancient Athens.
• Individual masks: All actors in classical Athens wore
masks, but whereas in tragedy and New Comedy these identified stereotypical
characters, in Old Comedy the masks were often caricatures of real people.
Perhaps Socrates attracted a lot of attention in Old Comedy because his face
lent itself easily to caricature by mask-makers.108 In The Knights we are told
that the mask makers were too afraid to make a caricature of Cleon (there
represented as a Paphlagonian slave) but we are assured that the audience is
clever enough to identify him anyway.109
• The real scene of action: Since Old Comedy makes numerous
references to people in the audience, the theatre itself was the real scene of
action and theatrical illusion was treated as something of a joke. In The
Acharnians, for example, The Pnyx is just a few steps from the hero's front
door, and in Peace Olympia is separated from Athens by a few moments' supposed
flight on a dung beetle. The audience is sometimes drawn or even dragged into
the action. When the hero in Peace returns to Athens from his flight to
Olympia, he tells the audience that they looked like rascals when seen from the
heavens, and seen up close they look even worse.110 In The Acharnians the hero
confronts the archon basileus,111 sitting in the front row, and demands to be
awarded first prize for a drinking competition, which is a none too subtle way
for Aristophanes to request first prize for the drama competition.
• Self-mocking theatre: Frequent parodying of tragedy is an
aspect of Old Comedy that modern audiences find difficult to understand. But
the Lenaia and City Dionysia included performances of both comedies and
tragedies, and thus references to tragedy were highly topical and immediately
relevant to the original audience.112 The comic dramatist also poked fun at
comic poets and he even ridiculed himself. It is possible, as indicated
earlier, that Aristophanes mocked his own baldness. In The Clouds, the Chorus
compares him to an unwed, young mother113 and in The Acharnians the Chorus
mockingly depicts him as Athens' greatest weapon in the war against Sparta.114
• Political theatre: The Lenaia and City Dionysus were
state-sponsored, religious festivals, and though the latter was the more
prestigious of the two, both were occasions for official pomp and circumstance.
The ceremonies for the Lenaia were overseen by the archon basileus and by
officials of the Eleusinian mysteries. The City Dionysia was overseen by the
archon eponymous and the priest of Dionysus. Opening ceremonies for the City
Dionysia featured, in addition to the ceremonial arrival of the god, a parade
in full armour of the sons of warriors who died fighting for the polis and,
until the end of the Peloponnesian War, a presentation of annual tribute from
subject states.115 Religious and political issues were topics that could hardly
be ignored in such a setting and the plays often treat them quite seriously.
Even jokes can be serious when the topic is politics — especially in wartime.
The butts of the most savage jokes are opportunists who prey on the gullibility
of their fellow citizens, including oracle-mongers,116 the exponents of new
religious practices,117 war-profiteers and political fanatics.
In The Acharnians, for example,
Lamachus is represented as a crazed militarist whose preparations for war are
hilariously compared to the hero's preparations for a dinner party.118 Cleon
emerges from numerous similes and metaphors in The Knights as a protean form of
comic evil, clinging to political power by every possible means for as long as
he can, yet the play also includes simple hymns invoking Poseidon and
Athena,119 and it ends with visions of a miraculously transformed Demos (i.e.
the morally reformed citizenry of Athens).120 Imaginative visions of a return
to peaceful activities resulting from peace with Sparta,121 and a plea for
leniency for citizens suspected of complicity in an oligarchic revolt122 are
other examples of a serious purpose behind the plays.
• Teasing and taunting: A festival audience presented the
comic dramatist with a wide range of targets, not just political or religious
ones — anyone known to the audience could be mocked for any reason, such as
diseases, physical deformities, ugliness, family misfortunes, bad manners,
perversions, dishonesty, cowardice in battle, and clumsiness.123 Foreigners, a
conspicuous presence in imperial Athens, particularly at the City Dionysia,
often appear in the plays comically mispronouncing Attic words — these include
Spartans (Lysistrata), Scythians (Thesmophoriazusae), Persians, Boeotians and
Megarians (The Acharnians).
Festivity
The Lenaia and City Dionysia
were religious festivals, but they resembled a gala rather than a church
service.124
• Dirty jokes: A relaxation in standards of behaviour was
permitted and the holiday spirit included bawdy irreverence towards both men
and gods.125 Old Comedy is rich in obscenities and the crude jokes are often
very detailed, as when the Chorus in The Acharnians places a curse on
Antimachus,126 a choregus accused of niggardly conduct, wishing upon him a
night-time mugging as he returns home from some drunken party and envisioning
him, as he stoops down to pick up a rock in the darkness, accidentally picking
up a fresh turd instead. He is then envisioned hurling the turd at his
attacker, missing and accidentally hitting Cratinus, a lyric poet not admired
by Aristophanes.127 This was particularly funny because the curse was sung (or
chanted) in choreographed style by a Chorus of 24 grown men who were otherwise
known to the audience as respectable citizens.
• The musical extravaganza: The Chorus was vital to the
success of a play in Old Comedy long after it had lost its relevance for
tragedy.128 Technically, the competition in the dramatic festivals was not
between poets but between choruses.129 In fact eight of Aristophanes' eleven
surviving plays are named after the Chorus. In Aristophanes' time, the Chorus
in tragedy was relatively small (twelve members) and its role had been reduced
to that of an awkwardly placed commentator, but in Old Comedy the Chorus was
large (numbering 24), it was actively involved in the plot, its entry into the
action was frequently spectacular, its movements were practised with military
precision and sometimes it was involved in choreographed skirmishes with the
actors.130 The expenditure on costumes, training and maintenance of a Chorus
was considerable,131 and perhaps many people in the original audience enjoyed
comedy mainly for the spectacle and music.132 The chorus gradually lost its
significance as New Comedy began to develop.
• Obvious costumes: Consistent with the holiday spirit, much
of the humour in Old Comedy is slapstick buffoonery that doesn't require the
audience's careful attention, often relying on visual cues. Actors playing male
roles appear to have worn tights over grotesque padding, with a prodigious,
leather phallus barely concealed by a short tunic. Female characters were
played by men but were easily recognized in long, saffron tunics.133 Sometimes
the visual cues are deliberately confused for comic effect, as in The Frogs,
where Dionysus arrives on stage in a saffron tunic, the buskin boots of a
tragic actor and a lion skin cloak that usually characterized Heracles - an
absurd outfit that provokes the character Heracles (as no doubt it provoked the
audience) to guffaws of helpless mirth.134
• The farcical anti-climax: The holiday spirit might also
have been responsible for an aspect of the comic plot that can seem bewildering
to modern audiences. The major confrontation (agon) between the 'good' and
'bad' characters in a play is often resolved decisively in favour of the former
long before the end of the play. The rest of the play deals with farcical
consequences in a succession of loosely connected scenes. The farcical
anti-climax has been explained in a variety of ways, depending on the
particular play. In The Wasps, for instance, it has been thought to indicate a
gradual change in the main character's perspective as the lessons of the agon
are slowly absorbed.135 In The Acharnians, it has been explained in terms of a
unifying theme that underlies the episodes, demonstrating the practical
benefits that come with wisdom.136 But the early release of dramatic tension is
consistent with the holiday meanings in Old Comedy137 and it allows the
audience to relax in uncomplicated enjoyment of the spectacle, the music, jokes
and celebrations that characterize the remainder of the play. The celebration
of the hero's victory often concludes in a sexual conquest and sometimes it
takes the form of a wedding, thus providing the action with a joyous sense of
closure.138
Complexity
The development of New Comedy
involved a trend towards more realistic plots, a simpler dramatic structure and
a softer tone.139 Old Comedy was the comedy of a vigorously democratic polis at
the height of its power and it gave Aristophanes the freedom to explore the
limits of humour, even to the point of undermining the humour itself.140
• Inclusive comedy: Old Comedy provided a variety of
entertainments for a diverse audience. It accommodated a serious purpose, light
entertainment, hauntingly beautiful lyrics, the buffoonery of puns and invented
words, obscenities, disciplined verse, wildly absurd plots and a formal,
dramatic structure.
• Fantasy and absurdity: Fantasy in Old Comedy is
unrestricted and impossibilities are ignored.141 Situations are developed
logically to absurd conclusions, an approach to humour that is echoed for
instance in the works of Lewis Carroll and Eugène Ionesco (the Theatre of the
Absurd).142 The crazy costume worn by Dionysus in The Frogs is typical of an
absurd result obtained on logical grounds — he wears a woman's saffron-coloured
tunic because effeminacy is an aspect of his divinity, buskin boots because he
is interested in reviving the art of tragedy, and a lion skin cape because,
like Heracles, his mission leads him into Hades. Absurdities develop logically
from initial premises in a plot. In The Knights for instance, Cleon's corrupt
service to the people of Athens is originally depicted as a household
relationship in which the slave dupes his master. The introduction of a rival,
who is not a member of the household, leads to an absurd shift in the metaphor,
so that Cleon and his rival become erastai competing for the affections of an
eromenos, hawkers of oracles competing for the attention of a credulous public,
athletes in a race for approval and orators competing for the popular vote.
• The resourceful hero: In Aristophanic comedy, the hero is
an independent-minded and self-reliant individual. He has something of the
ingenuity of Homer's Odysseus and much of the shrewdness of the farmer
idealized in Hesiod's Works and Days, subjected to corrupt leaders and
unreliable neighbours. Typically he devises a complicated and highly fanciful
escape from an intolerable situation.143 Thus Dikaiopolis in The Acharnians
contrives a private peace treaty with the Spartans; Bdelucleon in The Wasps
turns his own house into a private law court in order to keep his jury-addicted
father safely at home; Trygaeus in Peace flies to Olympus on a giant dung
beetle to obtain an end to the Peloponnesian War; Pisthetairus in Birds sets
off to establish his own colony and becomes instead the ruler of the bird
kingdom and a rival to the gods.
• The resourceful cast: The numerous surprising developments
in an Aristophanic plot, the changes in scene, and the farcical comings and
goings of minor characters towards the end of a play, were managed according to
theatrical convention with only three principal actors (a fourth actor, often
the leader of the chorus, was permitted to deliver short speeches).144 Songs
and addresses to the audience by the Chorus gave the actors hardly enough time
off-stage to draw breath and to prepare for changes in scene.
• Complex structure: The action of an Aristophanic play
obeyed a crazy logic of its own and yet it always unfolded within a formal,
dramatic structure that was repeated with minor variations from one play to
another. The different, structural elements are associated with different
poetic meters and rhythms and these are generally lost in English translations.
Dramatic structure
The structural elements of a
typical Aristophanic plot can be summarized as follows:
•
o prologue - an introductory scene with a dialogue and/or
soliloquy addressed to the audience, expressed in iambic trimeter and
explaining the situation that is to be resolved in the play;
o parodos - the arrival of the chorus, dancing and singing,
sometimes followed by a choreographed skirmish with one or more actors, often
expressed in long lines of tetrameters;
o symmetrical scenes - passages featuring songs and declaimed
verses in long lines of tetrameters, arranged symmetrically in two sections
such that each half resembles the other in meter and line length; the agon and
parabasis can be considered specific instances of symmetrical scenes:
parabasis - verses through which the Chorus addresses the
audience directly, firstly in the middle of the play and again near the end
(see the section below Parabasis);
agon - a formal debate that decides the outcome of the play,
typically in anapestic tetrameter, though iambs are sometimes used to delineate
inferior arguments;145
o episodes - sections of dialogue in iambic trimeter, often
in a succession of scenes featuring minor characters towards the end of a play;
o songs ('strophes'/'antistrophes' or 'odes'/'antodes') -
often in symmetrical pairs where each half has the same meter and number of
lines as the other, used as transitions between other structural elements, or
between scenes while actors change costume, and often commenting on the action;
o exodus - the departure of the Chorus and the actors, in
song and dance celebrating the hero's victory and sometimes celebrating a
symbolic marriage.
The rules of competition did
not prevent a playwright arranging and adjusting these elements to suit his
particular needs.146 In The Acharnians and Peace, for example, there is no
formal agon whereas in The Clouds there are two agons.
Parabasis
The parabasis is an address to
the audience by the Chorus and/or the leader of the Chorus while the actors are
leaving or have left the stage. The Chorus in this role speaks sometimes out of
character, as the author's mouthpiece, and sometimes in character, but very
often it isn't easy to distinguish its two roles. Generally the parabasis
occurs somewhere in the middle of a play and often there is a second parabasis
towards the end. The elements of a parabasis have been defined and named by
scholars but it is probable that Aristophanes' own understanding was less
formal.147 The selection of elements can vary from play to play and it varies
considerably within plays between first and second parabasis. The early plays
(The Acharnians to The Birds) are fairly uniform in their approach however and
the following elements of a parabasis can be found within them.
• kommation: This is a brief prelude, comprising short lines
and often including a valediction to the departing actors, such as ἴτε
χαίροντες (Go rejoicing!).
• parabasis proper: This is usually a defense of the
author's work and it includes criticism of the audience's attitude. It is
declaimed in long lines of 'anapestic tetrameters'. Aristophanes himself refers
to the parabasis proper only as 'anapests'.
• pnigos: Sometimes known as 'a choker', it comprises a few
short lines appended to the parabasis proper as a kind of rapid patter (it has
been suggested that some of the effects achieved in a pnigos can be heard in
"The Lord Chancellor's Nightmare Song", in act 2 of Gilbert and
Sullivan's Iolanthe).148
• epirrhematic syzygies: These are symmetrical scenes that
mirror each other in meter and number of lines. They form part of the first
parabasis and they often comprise the entire second parabasis. They are
characterized by the following elements:
o strophe or ode: These are lyrics in a variety of meters,
sung by the Chorus in the first parabasis as an invocation to the gods and as a
comic interlude in the second parabasis.
o epirrhema: These are usually long lines of trochaic
tetrameters. Broadly political in their significance, they were probably spoken
by the leader of the Chorus in character.149
o antistrophe or antode: These are songs that mirror the
strophe/ode in meter, length and function.
o antepirrhema. This is another declaimed passage and it
mirrors the epirrhema in meter, length and function.
The Wasps is thought to offer
the best example of a conventional approach150 and the elements of a parabasis
can be identified and located in that play as follows.
Elements in The Wasps 1st parabasis 2nd parabasis
kommation lines 1009-14151
---
parabasis proper lines 1015-50 ---
pnigos lines 1051-59 ---
strophe lines 1060-70 lines
1265-74152
epirrhema lines 1071-90 lines 1275-83
antistrophe lines 1091-1101 missing
antepirrhema lines 1102-1121 lines 1284-91
Textual corruption is probably
the reason for the absence of the antistrophe in the second parabasis.153
However, there are several variations from the ideal even within the early
plays. For example, the parabasis proper in The Clouds (lines 518-62) is
composed in eupolidean meter rather than in anapests154 and the second
parabasis includes a kommation but it lacks strophe, antistrophe and
antepirrhema (The Clouds lines 1113-30). The second parabasis in The Acharnians
lines 971-99155 can be considered a hybrid parabasis/song (i.e. the declaimed
sections are merely continuations of the strophe and antistrophe)156 and,
unlike the typical parabasis, it seems to comment on actions that occur on
stage during the address. An understanding of Old Comedy conventions such as
the parabasis is necessary for a proper understanding of Aristophanes' plays;
on the other hand, a sensitive appreciation of the plays is necessary for a
proper understanding of the conventions.
Influence and legacy
The tragic dramatists,
Sophocles and Euripides, died near the end of the Peloponnesian War and the art
of tragedy thereafter ceased to develop, yet comedy did continue to evolve
after the defeat of Athens and it is possible that it did so because, in
Aristophanes, it had a master craftsman who lived long enough to help usher it
into a new age.157 Indeed, according to one ancient source (Platonius, c.9th
Century AD), one of Aristophanes's last plays, Aioliskon, had neither a
parabasis nor any choral lyrics (making it a type of Middle Comedy), while
Kolakos anticipated all the elements of New Comedy, including a rape and a
recognition scene.158 Aristophanes seems to have had some appreciation of his
formative role in the development of comedy, as indicated by his comment in
Clouds that his audience would be judged by other times according to its
reception of his plays.159 Clouds was awarded third (i.e. last) place after its
original performance and the text that has come down to the modern age was a
subsequent draft that Aristophanes intended to be read rather than acted.160
The circulation of his plays in manuscript extended their influence beyond the
original audience, over whom in fact they seem to have had little or no
practical influence: they did not affect the career of Cleon, they failed to
persuade the Athenians to pursue an honourable peace with Sparta and it is not
clear that they were instrumental in the trial and execution of Socrates, whose
death probably resulted from public animosity towards the philosopher's
disgraced associates (such as Alcibiades),161 exacerbated of course by his own
intransigence during the trial.162 The plays, in manuscript form, have been put
to some surprising uses — as indicated earlier, they were used in the study of
rhetoric on the recommendation of Quintilian and by students of the Attic
dialect in the Fourth and Fifth Centuries AD. It is possible that Plato sent
copies of the plays to Dionysius of Syracuse so that he might learn about
Athenian life and government.163
Latin translations of the plays
by Andreas Divus (Venice 1528) were circulated widely throughout Europe in the
Renaissance and these were soon followed by translations and adaptations in
modern languages. Racine, for example, drew Les Plaideurs (1668) from The
Wasps. Goethe (who turned to Aristophanes for a warmer and more vivid form of
comedy than he could derive from readings of Terence and Plautus) adapted a
short play Die Vögel from The Birds for performance in Weimar. Aristophanes has
appealed to both conservatives and radicals in the nineteenth and twentieth
centuries — Anatoly Lunacharsky, first Commissar of Enlightenment for the USSR
in 1917, declared that the ancient dramatist would have a permanent place in
proletarian theatre and yet conservative, Prussian intellectuals interpreted
Aristophanes as a satirical opponent of social reform.164 The avant-gardist
stage-director Karolos Koun directed a version of The Birds under the Acropolis
in 1959 that established a trend in modern Greek history of breaking taboos
through the voice of Aristophanes.165
The plays have a significance
that goes beyond their artistic function, as historical documents that open the
window on life and politics in classical Athens, in which respect they are
perhaps as important as the writings of Thucydides. The artistic influence of
the plays is immeasurable. They have contributed to the history of European
theatre and that history in turn shapes our understanding of the plays. Thus
for example the operettas of Gilbert and Sullivan can give us insights into
Aristophanes' plays166 and similarly the plays can give us insights into the
operettas.167 The plays are a source of famous sayings, such as "By words
the mind is winged."168
Listed below is a random and
very tiny sample of works influenced (more or less) by Aristophanes.
Drama
• 1909: Wasps, original Greek, Cambridge University
undergraduate production, music by Vaughan Williams;
• 2004, July–October: The Frogs (musical), adapted by Nathan
Lane, music and lyrics by Stephen Sondheim, performed at The Vivian Beaumont
Theater Broadway;
• 1962-2006: various plays by students and staff, Kings
College London, in the original Greek:169 Frogs 1962,1971,1988;
Thesmophoriazusae 1965, 1974, 1985; Acharnians 1968, 1992, 2004; Clouds 1977,
1990; Birds 1982, 2000; Ecclesiazusae 2006; Peace 1970; Wasps 1981
• 2002: Lysistrata, adapted by Robert Brustein, music by
Galt McDermot, performed by American Repertory Theatre, Boston U.S.A.;
• 2008, May–June: Frogs, adapted by David Greenspan, music
by Thomas Cabaniss, performed by Classic Stage Company, New York, U.S.A.
Literature
• The romantic poet, Percy Shelley, wrote a comic, lyrical
drama (Swellfoot the Tyrrant) in imitation of Aristophanes' play The Frogs
after he was reminded of the Chorus in that play by a herd of pigs passing to
market under the window of his lodgings in San Giuliano, Italy.170
• Aristophanes (particularly in reference to The Clouds) is
mentioned frequently by the character Menedemos in the Hellenic Traders series
of novels by H N Turteltaub.
• A liberal version of the comedies have been published in
comic book format, initially by "Agrotikes Ekdoseis" during the 1990s
and republished over the years by other companies. The plot was written by
Tasos Apostolidis and the sketches were of George Akokalidis. The stories
feature either Aristophanes narrating them, directing the play, or even as a
character inside one of his stories.
Electronic media
• The Wasps, radio play adapted by David Pountney, music by
Vaughan Williams, recorded 26–28 July 2005, Albert Halls, Bolten, in
association with BBC, under Halle label;
• Acropolis Now is a comedy radio show for the BBC set in
Ancient Greece. It features Aristophanes, Socrates and many other famous
Greeks. (Not to be confused with the Australian sitcom of the same name.)
Aristophanes is characterised as a celebrity playwright, and most of his plays
have the title formula: One of Oure.g Slaves has an Enormous Knob (a reference
to the exaggerated appendages worn by Greek comic actors)
• Aristophanes Against the World was a radio play by Martyn
Wade and broadcast on BBC Radio 4. Loosely based on several of his plays, it
featured Clive Merrison as Aristophanes.
• In The Odd Couple, Oscar and Felix are on Password, and
when the password is bird, Felix’s esoteric clue is "Aristophanes"
because of his play The Birds. During the commercial break (having failed to
guess the password and lost the round), Oscar orders Felix not to give any more
Greek clues and angrily growls, "Aristophanes is ridiculous"! Then
when it's Oscar’s turn to give the clue on the team’s next shot, the password
is ridiculous and Oscar angrily growls "Aristophanes", to which Felix
gleefully responds, "Ridiculous!"
Music
• Satiric Dances for a Comedy by Aristophanes is a
three-movement piece for concert band composed by Norman Dello Joio. It was
commissioned in commemoration of the Bicentennial of 19 April 1775 (the start
of the American Revolutionary War) by the Concord (Massachusetts) Band. The
commission was funded by the Town of Concord and assistance was given by the
Eastern National Park and Monument Association in cooperation with the National
Park Service.
• Ralph Vaughan Williams wrote The Wasps for a 1909
Cambridge University production of the play.171
Works
Surviving plays
Most of these are traditionally referred to by
abbreviations of their Latin titles; Latin remains a customary language of
scholarship in classical studies.
• The Acharnians (Ἀχαρνεῖς
Akharneis; Attic Ἀχαρνῆς;
Acharnenses) 425 BC
• The Knights (Ἱππεῖς
Hippeis; Attic Ἱππῆς;
Latin: Equites) 424 BC
• The Clouds (Νεφέλαι Nephelai; Latin: Nubes); original 423
BC, uncompleted revised version from 419 BC – 416 BC survives
• The Wasps (Σφῆκες
Sphekes; Latin: Vespae) 422 BC
• Peace (Εἰρήνη Eirene; Latin: Pax)
first version, 421 BC
• The Birds (Ὄρνιθες
Ornithes; Latin: Aves) 414 BC
• Lysistrata (Λυσιστράτη Lysistrate) 411 BC
• Thesmophoriazusae or The Women Celebrating the Thesmophoria
(Θεσμοφοριάζουσαι Thesmophoriazousai) first version c.411 BC
• The Frogs (Βάτραχοι Batrakhoi; Latin: Ranae) 405 BC
• Ecclesiazusae or The Assemblywomen; (Ἐκκλησιάζουσαι
Ekklesiazousai) c. 392 BC
• Wealth (Πλοῦτος
Ploutos; Latin Plutus) second version, 388 BC
Datable non-surviving (lost)
plays
The standard modern ion of the
fragments is Kassel-Austin, Poetae Comici Graeci III.2.
• Banqueters (427 BC)
• Babylonians (426 BC)
• Farmers (424 BC)
• Merchant Ships (423 BC)
• Clouds (first version) (423 BC)
• Proagon (422 BC)
• Amphiaraos (414 BC)
• Plutus (Wealth, first version, 408 BC)
• Gerytades (uncertain, probably 407 BC)
• Kokalos (387 BC)
• Aiolosikon (second version, 386 BC)
Undated non-surviving (lost)
plays
• Aiolosikon (first version)
• Anagyros
• Frying-Pan Men
• Daidalos
• Danaids
• Centaur
• Heroes
• Lemnian Women
• Old Age
• Peace (second version)
• Phoenician Women
• Polyidos
• Seasons
• Storks
• Telemessians
• Triphales
• Thesmophoriazusae (Women at the Thesmophoria Festival,
second version)
• Women in Tents
Attributed (doubtful, possibly
by Archippus)
See also: Archippus (poet)
• Dionysos Shipwrecked
• Islands
• Niobos
• Poetry
Dramatis Personae
PHILOCLEON
BDELYCLEON, his Son
SOSIAS, Slave of Philocleon
XANTHIAS, Slave of Philocleon
BOYS
DOGS
A GUEST
A BAKER'S WIFE
AN ACCUSER
CHORUS OF WASPS
Scene
In the background is the house of PHILOCLEON, surrounded by a huge net. Two slaves are on guard, one of them asleep. On the roof is BDELYCLEON.
So you want to earn
trouble for your ribs, eh? Don't you know what sort of animal we
are guarding here?
Aye indeed! but I want
to put my cares to sleep for a while.
Are you crazy, like a
Corybant?
No! It's Bacchus who
lulls me off.
Then you serve the same
god as myself. just now a heavy slumber settled on my eyelids
like a hostile Mede; I nodded and, faith! I had a wondrous
dream.
I saw an eagle, a
gigantic bird, descend upon the market-place; it seized a brazen
buckler with its talons and bore it away into the highest heavens;
then I saw it was Cleonymus had thrown it away.
This Cleonymus is a
riddle worth propounding among guests. How can one and the same
animal have cast away his buckler both on land, in the sky and
at sea?
Alas! what ill does such
a dream portend for me?
Rest undisturbed! Please
the gods, no evil will befall you.
Nevertheless, it's a
fatal omen when a man throws away his weapons. But what was your
dream? Let me hear.
Tell it to me quickly;
show me its very keel.
In my first slumber I
thought I saw sheep, wearing cloaks and carrying staves, met in
assembly on the Pnyx; a rapacious whale was haranguing them and
screaming like a pig that is being grilled.
Faugh! faugh!
What's the matter?
Enough, enough, spare
me. Your dream stinks vilely of old leather.
Alas! it's our poor
Athenian people, whom this accursed beast wishes to cut up and
despoil of their fat.
Seated on the ground
close to it, I saw Theorus, who had the head of crow. Then
Alcibiades said to me in his lisping way, "Do you thee? Theoruth
hath a crow'th head."
Ah! that's very well
lisped indeed!
Isn't this mighty
strange? Theorus turning into a crow!
No, it is glorious.
Why?
Why? He was a man and
now he has suddenly become a crow; does it not foretoken that he
will take his flight from here and go to the crows?
Interpreting dreams so
aptly certainly is worth two obols.
Come, I must explain the
matter to the spectators. But first a few words of preamble:
expect nothing very high-flown from us, nor any jests stolen from
Megara; we have no slaves, who throw baskets of nuts to the spectators, nor any Heracles to be robbed of his dinner, nor does Euripides
get loaded with contumely; and despite the happy chance that
gave Cleon his fame we shall not go out of our way to belabour
him again, Our little subject is not wanting in sense; it is
well within your capacity and at the same time cleverer than
many vulgar comedies.-We have a master of great renown, who is
now sleeping up there on the other story. He has bidden us keep guard over his father, whom he has locked in, so. that he may not go
out. This father has a curious complaint; not one of you could
hit upon or guess it, if I did not tell you.-Well then, try! I
hear Amynias, the son of Pronapus, over there, saying, "He
is addicted to gambling." He's wrong! He is imputing his
own malady to others. Yet love is indeed the principal part of his disease.
Ah! here Sosias is telling Dercylus, "He loves drinking." Wrong again! the love of wine is a good man's failing. "Well
then," says Nicostratus of the Scambonian deme, "he
either loves sacrifices or else strangers." God no! he is
not fond of strangers, Nicostratus, for he who says "Philoxenus" means a pederast, It's mere waste of time, you will not find it
out. If you want to know it, keep silence! I will tell your our
master's complaint; of all men, it is he who is fondest of the
Heliaea. Thus, to be judging is his hobby, and he groans if he
is not sitting on the first seat. He does not close an eye at
night, and if he dozes off for an instant his mind flies
instantly to the clepsydra. He is so accustomed to hold the balloting
pebble, that he awakes with his three fingers pinched together as
if he were offering incense to the new moon. If he sees scribbled on some doorway, "How charming is Demos, the son of
Pyrilampes!" he will write beneath it, "How charming
is Cemos!" His cock crowed one evening; said he, "He
has had money from the accused to awaken me too late. As soon as he
rises from supper he bawls for his shoes and away he rushes down there before dawn to sleep beforehand, glued fast to the column like an
oyster. He is a merciless judge, never failing to draw the
convicting line and return home with his nails full of wax like
a bumble-bee. Fearing he might run short of pebbles he keeps
enough at home to cover a sea-beach, so that he may have the
means of recording his sentence. Such is his madness, and all
advice is useless; he only judges the more each day. So we keep him under lock and key, to prevent his going out; for his son is
broken-hearted over this mania. At first he tried him with
gentleness, wanted to persuade him to wear the cloak no longer,
to go out no more; unable to convince him, he had him bathed
and purified according to the ritual without any greater
success, and then handed him over to the Corybantes; but the old man
escaped them, and carrying off the kettledrum, rushed right into the midst of the Heliasts. As Cybele could do nothing with her rites,
his son took him to Aegina and forcibly made him lie one night
in the temple of Asclepius, the God of Healing, but before
daylight there he was to be seen at the gate of the tribunal.
Since then we let him go out no more, but he escaped us by the
drains or by the skylight, so we stuffed up every opening with
old rags and made all secure; then he drove short sticks into the
wall and sprang from rung to rung like a magpie. Now we have stretched-nets all around the court and we keep watch and ward. The old man's
name is Philocleon, it's the best name he could have, and the
son is called Edelycleon, for he is a man very fit to cure an
insolent fellow of his boasting.
Alas!
What is the matter?
Why, Bdelycleon is
getting up.
Will neither of you come
here? My father has got into the stove-chamber and is ferreting
about like a rat in his hole. Take care he does not escape through
the bath drain. You there, put all your weight against the door.
Yes, master.
Smoke? smoke of what
wood?
Of fig-wood.
Ah! that's the most
acrid of all. But you shall not get out. Where is the chimney
cover? Come down again. Now, up with another cross-bar. Now
look out for some fresh dodge. But am I not the most unfortunate of men? Henceforward I shall only be called the son of Capnius.
He is pushing the door.
Throw your weight upon
it, come, put heart into the work. I will come and help you.
Watch both lock and bolt. Take care he does not gnaw through
the peg.
What are you doing, you
wretches? Let me go out; it is imperative that I go and judge,
or Dracontides will be acquitted.
Would you mind that?
Once at Delphi, the god,
whom I was consulting, foretold, that if an accused man escaped
me, I should die of consumption.
Apollo the Saviour, what
a prophecy!
Ah! I beseech you, if
you do not want my death, let me go.
No, Philocleon, no
never, by Posidon!
Well then, I shall gnaw
through the net with my teeth.
But you have no teeth.
Our friend is planning
some great crime.
Could I not sell it just
as well?
Not as well as I could.
No, but better.
Bring out the ass
anyway.
Yes, but I have not
swallowed the hook; I scented the trick. I will go in and fetch
the ass, so that the old man may not point his weapons that way
again.
Stupid old ass, are you
weeping because you are going to be sold? Come, go a bit
quicker. Why, what are you moaning and groaning for? You might be
carrying another Odysseus.
Why, certainly, so he
is! someone has crept beneath his belly.
I am Noman.
Noman? Of what country?
Of Ithaca, son of
Apodrasippides.
Ha! Mister Noman, you
will not laugh presently. Pull him out quick. Ah! the wretch,
where has he crept to? Does he not resemble a she-ass to the
life?
If you do not leave me
in peace, I shall sue.
And what will the suit
be about?
The shade of an ass.
You are a poor man of
very little wit, but thoroughly brazen.
A poor man! Ah! by Zeus!
you know not now what I am worth; but you will know when you
disembowel the old Heliast's money-bag.
Come, get back indoors,
both you and your ass.
Oh! my brethren of the
tribunal! oh! Cleon! to the rescue!
Go and bawl in there
under lock and key. And you there, pile plenty of stones
against the door, thrust the bolt home into the staple, and to
keep this beam in its place roll that great mortar against it. Quick's the word.
Oh! my god! whence did
this brick fall on me?
Perhaps a rat loosened
it.
Ah! woe to us! there he
is, he has turned into a sparrow; he will be flying off. Where
is the net? where? Shoo! shoo! get back! Ah! by Zeus! I would
rather have to guard Scione than such a father.
And now that we have
driven him in thoroughly and he can no longer escape without
our knowledge, can we not have a few winks of sleep, no matter
how few?
Why, it's scarcely dawn
yet!
Ah, they must have risen
late to-day. Generally it is the middle of the night when they
come to fetch him. They arrive here, carrying lanterns in their
hands and singing the charming old verses of Phrynichus' Sidonian Women;
it's their way of calling him.
Well, if need be, we
will chase them off with stones.
What! you dare to speak
so? Why, this class of old men, if irritated, becomes as
terrible as a swarm of wasps. They carry below their loins the
sharpest of stings, with which to prick their foes; they shout and
leap and their stings burn like so many sparks.
Have no fear! If I can
find stones to throw into this nest of jurymen-wasps, I shall
soon have them cleared off.
March on, advance boldly
and bravely! Comias, your feet are dragging; once you were as
tough as a dog-skin strap and now even Charinades walks better
than you. Ha! Strymodorus of Conthyle, you best of mates, where
is Euergides and where is Chabes of Phlya? Ha, ha, bravo! there you are, the last of the lads with whom we mounted guard together at
Byzantium. Do you remember how, one night, prowling round, we
noiselessly stole the kneading-trough of a baker's wife; we
split it in two and cooked our green-stuff with it.-But let us
hasten, for the case of Laches comes on to-day, and they all
say he has embezzled a pot of money. Hence Cleon, our protector, advised
us yesterday to come early and with a three days' stock of fiery rage
so as to chastise him for his crimes. Let us hurry, comrades, before it is light; come, let us search every nook with our lanterns to
see whether those who wish us ill have not set us some trap.
Father, father, watch
out for the mud.
Pick up a blade of straw
and trim your lamp.
No. I can trim it quite
well with my finger.
Why do you pull out the
wick, you little dolt? Oil is scarce, and it's not you who
suffer when it has to be paid for.
If you teach us again
with your fists, we shall put out the lamps and go home; then
you will have no light and will squatter about in the mud like
ducks in the dark.
I know how to punish
offenders bigger than you. But I think I am treading in some
mud. Oh! it's certain it will rain in torrents for four days at
least; look at the snuff in our lamps; that is always a sign of
heavy rain; but the rain and the north wind will be good for the crops that are still standing. Why, what can have happened to our mate,
who lives here? Why does he not come to join our party? There
used to be no need to haul him in our wake, for he would march
at our head singing the verses of Phrynichus; he was a lover of
singing. Should we not, friends, make a halt here and sing to
call him out? The charm of my voice will fetch him out, if he
hears it.
Why does the old man not
show himself before the door? Why does he not answer? Has he
lost his shoes? has he stubbed his toe in the dark and thus got
a swollen ankle? Perhaps he has a tumour in his groin. He was the hardest of us all; he alone never allowed himself to be moved. If anyone
tried to move him, he would lower his head, saying, "You might
just as well try to boil a stone." But I bethink me, an
accused man escaped us yesterday through his false pretence
that he loved Athens and had been the first to unfold the
Samian plot. Perhaps his acquittal has so distressed Philocleon that
he is abed with fever-he is quite capable of such a thing.-Friend, arise,
do not thus vex your heart, but forget your wrath. To-day we have to
judge a man made wealthy by-treason, one of those who set Thrace free; we have to prepare him a funeral urn....so march on, my boy, get
going.
Father, would you give
me something if I asked for it?
Assuredly, my child, but
tell me what nice thing do you want me to buy you? A set of
knuckle-bones, I suppose.
No, father, I prefer
figs; they are better.
No, by Zeus! even if you
were to hang yourself with vexation.
Well then, I will lead
you no farther.
But, father, if the
Archon should not form a court to-day, how are we to buy our
dinner? Have you some good hope to offer us or only "Helle's
sacred waves"?
Alas! alas! I have not a
notion how we shall dine.
Oh! my poor mother! why
did you let me see this day?
So that you might give
me troubles to feed on.
Little wallet, you seem
like to be a mere useless ornament!
It is our destiny to
groan.
My friends, I have long
been pining away while listening to you from my window, but I
absolutely know not what to do. I am detained here, because I
have long wanted to go with you to the law-court and do all the harm I can. Oh! Zeus! cause the peals of thy thunder to roll, change me
quickly into smoke or make me into a Proxenides, a tissue of
falsehoods, like the son of Sellus. Oh, King of Heaven!
hesitate not to grant me this favour, pity my misfortune or
else may thy dazzling lightning instantly reduce me to ashes;
then carry me hence, and may thy breath hurl me into some strong,
hot marinade or turn me into one of the stones on which the votes are
counted.
My friends, he will not
have me judge nor do anyone any ill, but he wants me to stay at
home and enjoy myself, and I will not. And does this wretch, this
Demologocleon dare to say such odious things, just because you tell the truth about our navy? He would not have dared, had he not been
a conspirator.
But meanwhile, you must
devise some new dodge, so that you can come down here without
his knowledge.
But what? Try to find
some way. For myself, I am ready for anything, so much do I
burn to run along the tiers of the tribunal with my
voting-pebble in my hand.
There is surely some
hole through which you could manage to squeeze from within, and
escape dressed in rags, like the crafty Odysseus.
Everything is sealed
fast; not so much as a gnat could get through. Think of some
other plan; there is no possible hole of escape.
Do you recall how, when
you were with the army at the taking of Naxos, you descended so
readily from the top of the wall by means of the spits you had
stolen?
I remember that well
enough, but what connection is there with present
circumstances? I was young, clever at thieving, I had all my strength, none watched over me, and I could run off without fear. But to-day
men-at-arms are placed at every outlet to watch me, and two of
them are lying in wait for me at this very door armed with
spits, just as folks lie in wait for a cat that has stolen a
piece of meat.
The best way is to gnaw
through the net. Oh! goddess who watchest over the nets,
forgive me for making a hole in this one.
Have no fear, have no
fear! if he breathes a syllable, it will be to bruise his own
knuckles; he will have to fight to defend his own head. We shall teach
him not to insult the mysteries of the goddesses.
But fasten a rope to the
window, tie it around your body and let yourself down to the
ground, with your heart bursting with the fury of Diopithes.
But if these notice it
and want to fish me up and drag me back into the house, what
will you do? Tell me that.
I trust myself to you
and risk the danger. If misfortune overtakes me, take away my
body, bathe it with your tears and bury it beneath the bar of
the tribunal.
Nothing will happen to
you, rest assured. Come, friend, have courage and let yourself
slide down while you invoke your country's gods.
Oh! mighty Lycus! noble
hero and my neighbour, thou, like myself, takest pleasure in
the tears and the groans of the accused. If thou art come to
live near the tribunal, 'tis with the express design of hearing them
incessantly; thou alone of all the heroes hast wished to remain among those who weep. Have pity on me and save him, who lives close to
thee; I swear I will never make water, never, nor ever let a
fart, against the railing of thy statue.
No, by Zeus! no, but he
is letting himself down by a rope.
Mount quick to the other
window, strike him with the boughs that hang over the entrance;
perhaps he will turn back when he feels himself being thrashed.
To the rescue! all you,
who are going to have lawsuits this year-Smicythion, Tisiades,
Chremon and Pheredipnus. It's now or never, before they force me
to return, that you must help.
I feel my angry sting is
stiffening, that sharp sting, with which we punish our enemies.
Come, children, cast your cloaks to the winds, run, shout, tell
Cleon what is happening, that he may march against this foe of our city,
who deserves death, since he proposes to prevent the trial of lawsuits.
By Zeus! we will shout
to heaven.
And I shall not let him
go.
Why, this is
intolerable, 'tis manifest tyranny.
Oh! citizens, oh!
Theorus, the enemy of the gods! and all you flatterers, who
rule us! come to our aid.
By Heracles! they have
stings. Do you see them, master?
And you too shall die.
Turn yourselves this way, all, with your stings out for attack
and throw yourselves upon him in good and serried order, and
swelled up with wrath and rage. Let him learn to know the sort of
foes he has dared to irritate.
Come, my dear
companions, wasps with relentless hearts, fly against him,
animated with your fury. Sting him in the arse, eyes, and fingers.
Midas, Phryx, Masyntias,
here! Come and help. Seize this man and hand him over to no
one, otherwise you shall starve to death in chains. Fear nothing, I
have often heard the crackling of fig-leaves in the fire.
If you won't let him go,
I shall bury this sting in your body.
Oh, Cecrops, mighty hero
with the tail of a dragon! Seest thou how these barbarians
ill-use me-me, who have many a time made them weep a full
bushel of tears?
Is not old age filled
with cruel ills? What violence these two slaves offer to their
old master! they have forgotten all bygones, the fur-coats and
the jackets and the caps he bought for them; in winter he
watched that their feet should not get frozen. And only see them now; there is no gentleness in their look nor any recollection of the
slippers of other days.
Will you let me go, you
accursed animal? Don't you remember the day when I surprised
you stealing the grapes; I tied you to an olive-tree and I cut
open your bottom with such vigorous lashes that folks thought you had been raped. Get away, you are ungrateful. But let go of me, and
you too, before my son comes up.
You shall repay us for
all this, and that soon. Tremble at our ferocious glance; you
shall taste our just anger.
Strike! strike!
Xanthias! Drive these wasps away from the house.
That's just what I am
doing.
Blind them with smoke
too!
You will not go? The
plague seize you! Will you not clear off?
Hit them with your stick
Xanthias, and you Sosias, to smoke them out better, throw
Aeschines, the son of Sellartius, on the fire.
Eh! by Zeus! you would
not have put them to flight so easily if they had fed on the
verses of Philocles.
It is clear to all the
poor that tyranny has attacked us sorely. Proud emulator of
Amynias, you, who only take pleasure in doing ill, see how you
are preventing us from obeying the laws of the city; you do not even seek a pretext or any plausible excuse, but claim to rule alone.
Hold! A truce to all
blows and brawling! Had we not better confer together and come
to some understanding?
Confer with you, the
people's foe! with you, a royalist....
Ah! it would be better
to separate altogether from my father than to steer my boat
daily through such stormy seas!
Oh! you have but reached
the parsley and the rue, to use the common saying. What you are
suffering is nothing! but welcome the hour when the advocate
shall adduce all these same arguments against you and shall
summon your accomplices to give witness.
Everything is now
tyranny with us, no matter what is concerned, whether it be
large or small. Tyranny! I have not heard the word mentioned once
in fifty years, and now it is more common than salt-fish, the word is
even current on the market. If you are buying gurnards and don't want anchovies, the huckster next door, who is selling the latter, at
once exclaims, "That is a man whose kitchen savours of
tyranny!" If you ask for onions to season your fish, the
green-stuff woman winks one eye and asks, "Ha, you ask for
onions! are you seeking to tyrannize, or do you think that Athens
must pay you your seasonings as a tribute?"
Yesterday I went to see
a whore about noon and told her to get on top; she flew into a
rage, pretending I wanted to restore the tyranny of Hippias.
That's the talk that
pleases the people! As for myself, I want my father to lead a
joyous life like Morychus instead of going away before dawn
basely to calumniate and condemn; and for this I am accused of conspiracy and tyrannical practice!
And quite right too, by
Zeus! The most exquisite dishes do not make up to me for the
life of which you deprive me. I scorn your red mullet and your
eels, and would far rather eat a nice little lawsuitlet cooked
in the pot.
That's because you have
got used to seeking your pleasure in it; but if you will agree
to keep silence and hear me, I think I could persuade you that
you deceive yourself altogether.
I deceive myself, when I
am judging?
You do not see that you
are the laughing-stock of these men, whom you are ready to
worship. You are their slave and do not know it.
I a slave, I, who lord
it over all?
Not at all, you think
you are ruling when you are only obeying. Tell me, father, what
do you get out of the tribute paid by so many Greek towns.
Much, and I appoint my
colleagues jurymen.
And I also.
Tell me whether you will
accept the verdict of the Court.
Now it is necessary for
you, who are of our school, to say something novel, that you
may not seem...
....to side with this
youth in his opinions. You see how serious the question has
become; if he should prevail, which the gods forfend, it will be all over for us.
But what will you say of
it, if he should triumph in the debate?
That old men are no
longer good for anything; we shall be perpetually laughed at in
the streets, shall be called thallophores, mere brief-bags.
You are to be the
champion of all our rights and sovereignty. Come, take courage!
Bring into action all the resources of your wit.
At the outset I will
prove to you that there exists no king whose might is greater
than ours. Is there a pleasure, a blessing comparable with that
of a juryman? Is there a being who lives more in the midst of delights,
who is more feared, aged though he be? From the moment I leave my
bed, men of power, the most illustrious in the city, await me at the bar of the tribunal; the moment I am seen from the greatest
distance, they come forward to offer me a gentle handy-that has
pilfered the public funds; they entreat me, bowing right low
and with a piteous voice, "Oh, father," they say,
"pity me, I adjure you by the profit you were able to make in the
public service or in the army, when dealing with the victuals." Why, the man who speaks thus would not know of my existence, had I not
let him off on some former occasion.
Let us note this first
point, the supplicants.
These entreaties have
appeased my wrath, and I enter-firmly resolved to do nothing
that I have promised. Nevertheless I listen to the accused. Oh!
what tricks to secure acquittal! Ah! there is no form of flattery that
is not addressed to the Heliast! Some groan over their poverty and exaggerate
it. Others tell us anecdotes or some comic story from Aesop. Others,
again, cut jokes; they fancy I shall be appeased if I won If we are
not even then won over, why, then they drag forward their young children by the hand, both boys and girls, who prostrate themselves and
whine with one accord, and then the father, trembling as if
before a god, beseeches me not to condemn him out of pity for
them, "If you love the voice of the lamb, have pity on my
sons"; and because I am fond of little sows, I must yield
to his daughter's prayers. Then we relax the heat of our wrath a little
for him. Is not this great power indeed, which allows even wealth to
be disdained?
A second point to note,
the disdain of wealth. And now recall to me what are the
advantages you enjoy, you, who pretend to rule over Greece?
We are entrusted with
the inspection of the young men, and thus we have a right to
examine their tools. If Oeagrus is accused, he is not acquitted
before he has recited a passage from 'Niobe' and he chooses the
finest. If a flute-player gains his case, he adjusts his mouth-strap in return and plays us the final air while we are leaving. A
father on his death-bed names some husband for his daughter,
who is his sole heir; but we care little for his will or for
the shell so solemnly placed over the seal; we give the young
maiden to him who has best known how to secure our wavour. Name
me another duty that is so important and so irresponsible.
Aye, it's a fine
privilege, and the only one on which I can congratulate you;
but surely to violate the will is to act badly towards the
heiress.
And if the Senate and
the people have trouble in deciding some important case, it is
decreed to send the culprits before the Heliasts; then Euathlus
and the illustrious Colaconymus, who cast away his shield, swear
not to betray us and to fight for the people. Did ever an orator carry
the day with his opinion if he had not first declared that the jury should be dismissed for the day as soon as they had given their
first verdict? We are the only ones whom Cleon, the great
bawler, does not badger. On the contrary, he protects and
caresses us; he keeps off the flies, which is what you have
never done for your father. Theorus, who is a man not less
illustrious than Euphemius, takes the sponge out of the pot and blacks our shoes. See then what good things you deprive and despoil me
of. Pray, is this obeying or being a slave, as you pretended to
be able to prove?
Talk away to your
heart's content; you must come to a stop at last and then you
shall see that this grand power only resembles an anus; no
matter how much you wash it, you can never get it clean.
But I am forgetting the
most pleasing thing of all. When I return home with my pay,
everyone runs to greet me because of my money. First my
daughter bathes me, anoints my feet, stoops to kiss me and, while she
is calling me "her dearest father," fishes out my triobolus with her tongue; then my little wife comes to wheedle me and brings a nice
light cake; she sits beside me and entreats me in a thousand
ways, "Do take this now; do have some more." All this
delights me hugely, and I have no need to turn towards you or
the steward to know when it shall please him to serve my
dinner, all the while cursing and grumbling. But if he does not quickly
knead my cake, I have something which is my defence, my shield against
all ills. If you do not pour me out drink, I have brought this long-eared
jar full of wine. How it brays, when I bend back and bury its neck
in my mouth! It farts like a whole army, and how I laugh at your wine-skins.
As to power, am I not
equal to the king of the gods? If our assembly is noisy, all
say as they pass, "Great gods! the tribunal is rolling out its thunder!" If I let loose the lightning, the richest, aye, the
noblest are half dead with terror and crap for fright. You
yourself are afraid of me, yea, by Demeter! you are afraid. But
may I die if you frighten me.
Ah! he thought he had
only to turn me round his finger; he should, however have known
the vigour of my eloquence.
He has said everything
without omission. I felt myself grow taller while I listened to
him. Methought myself meting out justice in the Islands of the
Blest, so much was I taken with the charm of his words.
If you have nothing but
nonsense to spout, it's time to buy a good millstone, freshly
cut withal, to crush my anger.
The cure of a disease,
so inveterate and so widespread in Athens, is a difficult task
and of too great importance for the scope of comedy. Nevertheless,
my old father....
Cease to call me by that
name, for, if you do not prove me a slave and that quickly too,
you must die by my hand, even if I must be deprived of my share
in the sacred feasts.
Listen to me, dear
little father, unruffle that frowning brow and reckon, you can
do so without trouble, not with pebbles, but on your fingers,
what is the sum-total of the tribute paid by the allied towns; besides
this we have the direct imposts, a mass of percentage dues, the fees
of the courts of justice, the produce from the mines, the markets, the
harbours, tile public lands and the confiscations. All these together amount to nearly two thousand talents. Take from this sum the
annual pay of the dicasts; they number six thousand, and there
have never been more in this town; so therefore it is one
hundred and fifty talents that come to you.
What! our pay is not
even a tithe of the state revenue?
Why no, certainly not.
And where does the rest
go then?
To those who say:
"I shall never betray the interests of the masses; I shall
always fight for the people." And it is you, father, who let
yourself be caught with their fine talk, who give them all power over yourself. They are the men who extort fifty talents at a time by
threat and intimidation from the allies. "Pay tribute to
me," they say, "or I shall loose the lightning on
you-town and destroy it." And you, you are content to gnaw
the crumbs of your own might. What do the allies do? They see
that the Athenian mob lives on the tribunal in niggard and miserable fashion, and they count you for nothing, for not more than the
vote of Connus; it is on those wretches that they lavish
everything, dishes of salt fish, wine, tapestries, cheese,
honey, chaplets, necklets, drinking-cups, all that yields
pleasure and health. And you, their master, to you as a reward
for all your toil both on land and sea, nothing is given, not even a
clove of garlic to eat with your little fish.
No, undoubtedly not; I
have had to send and buy some from Eucharides. But you told me
I was a slave. Prove it then, for I am dying with impatience.
Is it not the worst of
all slaveries to see all these wretches and their flatterers,
whom they gorge with gold, at the head of affairs? As for you,
you are content with the three obols which they give you and which
you have so painfully earned in the galleys, in battles and sieges. But what I stomach least is that you go to sit on the tribunal by
order. Some young fairy, the son of Chaereas, to wit, enters
your house wiggling his arse, foul with debauchery, on his
straddling legs and charges you to come and judge at daybreak,
and precisely to the minute. "He who presents himself
after the opening of the Court," says he, "will not get the
triobolus." But he himself, though he arrives late, will
nevertheless get his drachma as a public advocate. If an accused
man makes him some present, he shares it with a colleague and
the pair agree to arrange the matter like two sawyers, one of
whom pulls and the other pushes. As for you, you have only eyes for
the public pay-clerk, and you see nothing.
Can it be I am treated
thus? Oh! what is it you are saying? You stir me to the bottom
of my heart! I am all ears! I cannot express what I feel.
Consider then; you might
be rich, both you and all the others; I know not why you let
yourself be fooled by these folk who call themselves the
people's friends. A myriad of towns obey you, from the Euxine to Sardis. What do you gain thereby? Nothing but this miserable pay, and even
that is like the oil with which the flock of wool is
impregnated and is doled to you drop by drop, just enough to
keep you from dying of hunger. They want you to be poor, and I
will tell you why. It is so that you may know only those who
nourish you, and so that, if it pleases them to loose you against
one of their foes, you shall leap upon him with fury. If they wished to assure the well-being of the people, nothing would be easier
for them. We have now a thousand towns that pay us tribute; let
them comand each of these to feed twenty Athenians; then twenty
thousand of our citizens would be eating nothing but hare,
would drink nothing but the purest of milk, and always crowned
with garlands, would be enjoying the delights to which the
great name of their country and the trophies of Marathon give them
the right; whereas to-day you are like the hired labourers who gather the olives; you follow him who pays you.
When they are afraid,
they promise to divide Euboea among you and to give each fifty
bushels of wheat, but what have they given you? Nothing
excepting, quite recently, five bushels of barley, and even these you
have only obtained with great difficulty, on proving you were not aliens, and then choenix by choenix.
That is why I always
kept you shut in; I wanted you to be fed by me and no longer at
the beck of these blustering braggarts. Even now I am ready to
let you have all you want, provided you no longer let yourself be suckled by the payclerk.
He was right who said,
"Decide nothing till you have heard both sides," for
now it seems to me that you are the one who gains the complete victory. My wrath is appeased and I throw away my sticks.
.... let yourself be won
over by his words; come, be not too obstinate or too perverse.
Would that I had a relative or kinsman to correct me thus! Clearly
some god is at hand and is now protecting you and loading you with benefits.
Accept them.
I will feed him, I will
give him everything that is suitable for an old man; oatmeal
gruel, a cloak, soft furs, and a wench to rub his tool and his
loins. But he keeps silent and will not utter a sound; that's a
bad sign.
He has thought the thing
over and has recognized his folly; he is reproaching himself
for not having followed your advice always. But there he is, converted by your words, and wiser now, so that he will no doubt alter his
ways in the future and always believe in none but you.
Alas! alas!
Now why this
lamentation?
A truce to your
promises! What I love is down there, down there I want to be,
there, where the herald cries, "Who has not yet voted? Let him rise!"
I want to be the last of all to leave the urn. Oh, my soul, my
soul! where art thou? come! oh! dark shadows, make way for me!
By Heracles, may I reach the court in time to convict Cleon of
theft.
Come, father, in the
name of the gods, believe me!
Believe you! Ask me
anything, anything, except one.
What is it? Let us hear.
Very well then, since
you find so much pleasure in it, go down there no more, but
stay here and deal out justice to your slaves.
But what is there to
judge? Are you mad?
Everything as in a
tribunal. If a servant opens a door secretly, you inflict upon
him a simple fine; that's what you have repeatedly done down
there. Everything can be arranged to suit you. If it is warm in the morning, you can judge in the sunlight; if it is snowing, then
seated at your fire; if it rains, you go indoors; and if you
don't rise till noon, there will be no Thesmothetes to exclude
you from the precincts.
The notion pleases me.
Moreover, if a pleader
is long-winded, you will not be hungering and chafing and
seeking vengeance on the accused.
But could I judge as
well with my mouth full?
Much better. Is it not
said, that the dicasts, when deceived by lying witnesses, have
need to ruminate well in order to arrive at the truth?
Well said, but you have
not told me yet who will pay my salary.
I will.
So much the better; in
this way I shall be paid by myself. Because that damned jester,
Lysistratus, played me an infamous trick the other day. He
received a drachma for the two of us and went on the fish-market to
get it changed and then brought me back three mullet scales. I took them for obols and crammed them into my mouth; but the smell
choked me and I quickly spat them out. So I dragged him before
the court.
And what did he say to
that?
Well, he pretended I had
the stomach of a cock. "You have soon digested the
money," he said with a laugh.
You see, that is yet
another advantage.
And no small one either.
Come, do as you will.
Wait! I will bring
everything here.
You see, the oracles are
coming true; I have heard it foretold, that one day the
Athenians would dispense justice in their own houses, that each citizen.
would have himself a little tribunal constructed in his porch similar
to the altars of Hecate, and that there would be such before every door.
There, what do you think
of that? I have brought you everything needful and much more
into the bargain. See, here is a thunder-mug in case you have
to pee; I shall hang it up beside you.
That's admirably
arranged. In this way, even when feverish, I shall
nevertheless receive my pay; and besides, I could eat my lentils without
quitting my seat. But why this cock?
What is that?
If only they could bring
me an image of the hero Lycus.
Here it is! Why, you
might think it was the god himself!
Oh! hero, my master I
how repulsive you are to look at I
He looks just like
Cleonymus.
That is why, hero though
he be, he has no weapon.
The sooner you take your
seat, the sooner I shall call a case.
Call it, for I have been
seated ever so long.
Let us see. What case
shall we bring up first? Is there a slave who has done
something wrong? Ah! you Thracian there, you burnt the stew-pot the
other day.
Wait, wait! This is a
fine state of affairs! You almost made me judge without a bar,
and that is the most sacred thing of all for us.
There isn't any, by
Zeus.
I'll run indoors and get
one myself.
What does it matter?
Terrible thing, the force of habit.
Hullo! what's the
matter?
Oh, it's Labes, who has
just rushed into the kitchen and seized a whole Sicilian
cheese and gobbled it up.
Come along and lay your
accusation. XANTHIAS No, not I; the other dog vows he will be
accuser, if the matter is brought up for trial.
Well then, bring them
both along.
That's what we'll have
to do.
What is this?
The pig-trough of the
swine dedicated to Hestia.
Did you steal it from a
shrine?
No, no, by addressing
Hestia first, I might, thanks to her, crush an adversary. But
put an end to delay by calling up the case. My verdict is
already settled.
Wait! I still have to
bring out the tablets and the scrolls.
Oh! I am boiling, I am
dying with impatience at your delays. I could have traced the
sentence in the dust.
Then call the case.
Right. Who is first on
the docket?
My god! This is
unbearable! I have forgotten the urns.
Now where are you going?
To look for the urns.
Don't bother, I have
these pots.
Very well, then we have
all we need, except the clepsydra.
You know how to supply
everything.
Let fire be brought
quickly from the house with myrtle boughs and incense, and let
us invoke the gods before opening the sitting.
Offer them libations and
your vows and we will thank them that a noble agreement has
put an end to your bickerings and strife. And first let there
be a sacred silence.
Oh! god of Delphi! oh!
Phoebus Apollo! convert into the greatest blessing for us all
what is now happening before this house, and cure us of our error,
oh, Paean, our helper!
Oh, Powerful god, Apollo
Aguieus, who watchest at the door of my entrance hall, accept
this fresh sacrifice; I offer it that you may deign to soften my
father's excessive severity; he is as hard as iron, his heart is like sour wine; do thou pour into it a little honey. Let him become
gentle toward other men, let him take more interest in the
accused than in the accusers, may he allow himself to be
softened by entreaties; calm his acrid humour and deprive his
irritable mind of all sting.
We unite our vows and
chants to those of this new magistrate. His words have won our
favour and we are convinced that he loves the people more than
any of the young men of the present day.
If there be any judge
near at hand, let him enter; once the proceedings have opened,
we shall admit him no more.
Who is the defendant?
This one.
Listen to the
indictment. A dog of Cydathenaea doth hereby charge Labes of
Aexonia with having devoured a Sicilian cheese by himself without
accomplices. Penalty demanded, a collar of fig-tree wood.
Nay, a dog's death, if
convicted.
This is Labes, the
defendant.
Oh! what a wretched
brute! how entirely he looks the rogue! He thinks to deceive
me by keeping his jaws closed. Where is the plaintiff, the dog
of Cydathenaea?
Bow wow! bow wow!
Here he is.
Why, he's another Labes,
a great barker and a licker of dishes.
Go on, and I will help
myself and eat these lentils.
Gentlemen of the jury,
listen to this indictment I have drawn up. He has committed
the blackest of crimes, against both me and the seamen. He
sought refuge in a dark corner to glutton on a big Sicilian cheese, with which he sated his hunger.
Why, the crime is clear;
the filthy brute this very moment belched forth a horrible
odour of cheese right under my nose.
And he refused to share
with me. And yet can anyone style himself your benefactor,
when he does not cast a morsel to your poor dog?
But the evidence is
plain; the fact speaks for itself.
Then beware of
acquitting the most selfish of canine gluttons, who has
devoured the whole cheese, rind and all, prowling round the platter.
Besides, you must punish
him, because the same house cannot keep two thieves. Let me
not have barked in vain, else I shall never bark again.
Oh! the black deeds he
has just denounced! What a shameless thief! Say, cock, is not
that your opinion too? Ha, ha! He thinks as I do. Here,
Thesmothetes! where are you? Hand me the thunder-mug.
Get it yourself. I go to
call the witnesses; these are a plate, a pestle, a cheese
knife, a brazier, a stew-pot and other half-burnt utensils.
Ha, ha! I reckon I know
somebody who will crap for fright to-day.
Will you never cease
showing yourself hard and intractable, and especially to the
accused? You tear them to pieces tooth and nail.
No doubt he has nothing
to say.
Not at all, I think he
has got what happened once to Thucydides in court; his jaws
suddenly set fast. Get away! I will undertake your defence.-Gentlemen of the jury, it is a difficult thing to speak for a dog who has
been calumniated, but nevertheless I will try. He is a good
dog, and he chases wolves finely.
He is a thief and a
conspirator.
And what good is that,
if he eats the cheese?
What? he fights for you,
he guards your door; he is an excellent dog in every respect.
Forgive him his larceny! he is wretchedly ignorant, he cannot
play the lyre.
Witnesses, I pray you,
listen. Come forward, grating-knife, and speak up; answer me
clearly. You were paymaster at the time. Did you grate out to
the soldiers what was given you?-He says he did so.
But, by Zeus! he lies.
Oh! have patience. Take
pity on the unfortunate. Labes feeds only on fish-bones and
fishes' heads and has not an instant of peace. The other is
good only to guard the house; he never moves from here, but demands his share of all that is brought in and bites those who refuse.
Descend, descend,
descend, descend!
I will descend, although
that word, "descend," has too often raised false
hope. None the less, I will descend.
Plague seize it! Have I
then done wrong to eat! What! I, crying! Ah! I certainly
should not be weeping, if I were not stuffed with lentils.
Then he is acquitted?
It is difficult to tell.
Ah! my dear father, be
good! be humane! Take this voting pebble and rush with your
eyes closed to that second urn and, father, acquit him.
No, I know no more how
to acquit than to play the lyre.
Come quickly, I will
show you the way.
Is this the first urn?
Yes.
What is the result?
We shall see.
Yes, certainly.
Courage, dear father,
don't let this afflict you so terribly.
And so I have charged my
conscience with the acquittal of an accused being! What will
become of me? Sacred gods! forgive me. I did it despite myself; it
is not in my character.
Do not vex yourself,
father; I will feed you well, will take you everywhere to eat
and drink with me; you shall go to every feast; henceforth your
life shall be nothing but pleasure, and Hyperbolus shall no longer have you for a tool. But come, let us go in.
You meanwhile, oh! countless myriads, listen to
the sound counsels I am going to give you and take care they
are not lost upon you. That would be the fate of vulgar
spectators, not that of such an audience. Hence, people, lend
me your ear, if you love frank speaking.
The poet has a reproach to make against his audience; he says you have ill-treated him in return for the many services he has rendered you. At first he kept himself in the background and lent help secretly to other poets, and like the prophetic Genius, who hid himself in the belly of Eurycles, slipped within the spirit of another and whispered to him many a comic hit. Later he ran the risks of the theatre on his own account, with his face uncovered, and dared to guide his Muse unaided. Though overladen with success and honours more than any of your poets, indeed despite all his glory, he does not yet believe he has attained his goal; his heart is not swollen with pride and he does not seek to seduce the young folk in the wrestling school. If any lover runs up to him to complain because he is furious at seeing the object of his passion derided on the stage, he takes no heed of such reproaches, for he is inspired only with honest motives and his Muse is no pander. From the very outset of his dramatic career he has disdained to assail those who were men, but with a courage worthy of Heracles himself he attacked the most formidable monsters, and at the beginning went straight for that beast with the sharp teeth, with the terrible eyes that flashed lambent fire like those of Cynna, surround
The poet has a reproach to make against his audience; he says you have ill-treated him in return for the many services he has rendered you. At first he kept himself in the background and lent help secretly to other poets, and like the prophetic Genius, who hid himself in the belly of Eurycles, slipped within the spirit of another and whispered to him many a comic hit. Later he ran the risks of the theatre on his own account, with his face uncovered, and dared to guide his Muse unaided. Though overladen with success and honours more than any of your poets, indeed despite all his glory, he does not yet believe he has attained his goal; his heart is not swollen with pride and he does not seek to seduce the young folk in the wrestling school. If any lover runs up to him to complain because he is furious at seeing the object of his passion derided on the stage, he takes no heed of such reproaches, for he is inspired only with honest motives and his Muse is no pander. From the very outset of his dramatic career he has disdained to assail those who were men, but with a courage worthy of Heracles himself he attacked the most formidable monsters, and at the beginning went straight for that beast with the sharp teeth, with the terrible eyes that flashed lambent fire like those of Cynna, surround
The Acharnians
By Aristophanes
The Acharnians
By Aristophanes
Written 425 B.C.E
Dramatis Personae
DICAEOPOLIS
HERALD
AMPHITHEUS
AMBASSADORS
PSEUDARTABAS
THEORUS
DAUGHTER OF DICAEOPOLIS
SLAVE OF EURIPIDES
EURIPIDES
LAMACHUS
A MEGARIAN
TWO YOUNG GIRLS, daughters of the Megarian
AN INFORMER
A BOEOTIAN
NICARCHUS
SLAVE OF LAMACHUS
A HUSBANDMAN
A WEDDING GUEST
CHORUS OF ACHARNIAN CHARCOAL BURNERS
Scene
The Orchestra represents the Pnyx at Athens; in the back-
ground are the usual houses, this time three in number, belonging to
Dicaeopolis, Euripides, and Lamachus respectively.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
DICAEOPOLIS alone
What cares have not
gnawed at my heart and how few have been the pleasures in my life! Four, to be
exact, while my troubles have been as countless as the grains of sand on the
shore! Let me see! of what value to me have been these few pleasures? Ah! I
remember that I was delighted in soul when Cleon had to cough up those five
talents; I was in ecstasy and I love the Knights for this deed; "it is an
honour to Greece." But the day when I was impatiently awaiting a piece by
Aeschylus, what tragic despair it caused me when the herald called,
"Theognis, introduce your Chorus!" Just imagine how this blow struck
straight at my heart! On the other hand, what joy Dexitheus caused me at the
musical competition, when right after Moschus he played a Boeotian melody on
the lyre! But this year by contrast! Oh! what deadly torture to hear Chaeris
perform the prelude in the Orthian mode!-Never, however, since I began to
bathe, has the dust hurt my eyes as it does to-day. Still it is the day of assembly;
all should be here at daybreak, and yet the Pnyx is still deserted. They are
gossiping in the market-place, slipping hither and thither to avoid the
vermilioned rope. The Prytanes even do not come; they will be late, but when
they come they will push and fight each other for a seat in the front row. They
will never trouble themselves with the question of peace. Oh! Athens! Athens!
As for myself, I do not fail to come here before all the rest, and now, finding
myself alone, I groan, yawn, stretch, fart, and know not what to do; I make
sketches in the dust, pull out my loose hairs, muse, think of my fields, long
for peace, curse town life and regret my dear country home, which never told me
to "buy fuel, vinegar or oil"; there the word "buy," which
cuts me in two, was unknown; I harvested everything at will. Therefore I have
come to the assembly fully prepared to bawl, interrupt and abuse the speakers,
if they talk of anything but peace.
The Orchestra begins to fill with people.
But here come the Prytanes, and high time too, for it is
midday! There, just as I said, they are pushing and fighting for the front
seats.
HERALD officiously
Step forward, step
forward; get within the consecrated area.
AMPHITHEUS rising
Has anyone spoken yet?
HERALD
Who asks to speak?
AMPHITHEUS
I do.
HERALD
Your name?
AMPHITHEUS
Amphitheus.
HERALD
Are you not a man?
AMPHITHEUS
No! I am an immortal! Amphitheus was the son of Ceres and
Triptolemus; of him was born Celeus, Celeus wedded Phaenerete, my grandmother,
whose son was Lycinus, and, being born of him I am an immortal; it is to me
alone that the gods have entrusted the duty of treating with the
Lacedaemonians. But, citizens, though I am immortal, I am dying of hunger; the
Prytanes give me nothing.
HERALD calling
Officers!
AMPHITHEUS as the
Scythian policemen seize him
Oh, Triptolemus and
Celeus, do ye thus forsake your own blood?
DICAEOPOLIS rising
Prytanes, in expelling
this citizen, you are offering an outrage to the Assembly. He only desired to
secure peace for us and to sheathe the sword.
The Scythians release Amphitheus.
HERALD
Sit down! Silence!
DICAEOPOLIS
No, by Apollo, I will not, unless you are going to discuss
the question of peace.
HERALD ignoring this;
loudly
The ambassadors, who
are returned from the Court of the King!
DICAEOPOLIS
Of what King? I am sick of all those fine birds, the peacock
ambassadors and their swagger.
HERALD
Silence!
DICAEOPOLIS as he
perceives the entering ambassadors dressed in the Persian mode
Oh! oh! By Ecbatana, what a costume!
AMBASSADOR pompously
During the archonship
of Euthymenes, you sent us to the Great King on a salary of two drachmae per
diem.
DICAEOPOLIS aside
Ah! those poor
drachmae!
AMBASSADOR
We suffered horribly on the plains of the Cayster, sleeping
under tent, stretched deliciously on fine chariots, half dead with weariness.
DICAEOPOLIS aside
And I was very much at
ease, lying on the straw along the battlements!
AMBASSADOR
Everywhere we were well received and forced to drink
delicious wine out of golden or crystal flagons.....
DICAEOPOLIS aside
Oh, city of Cranaus,
thy ambassadors are laughing at thee!
AMBASSADOR
For great feeders and heavy drinkers are alone esteemed as
men by the barbarians.
DICAEOPOLIS aside
Just as here in
Athens, we only esteem the wenchers and pederasts.
AMBASSADOR
At the end of the fourth year we reached the King's Court,
but he had left with his whole army to take a crap, and for the space of eight
months he was thus sitting on the can in the midst of the golden mountains.
DICAEOPOLIS aside
And how long did it
take him to close his arse? A month?
AMBASSADOR
After this he returned to his palace; then he entertained us
and had us served with oxen roasted whole in an oven.
DICAEOPOLIS aside
Who ever saw an ox
roasted in an oven? What a lie!
AMBASSADOR
And one day, by Zeus, he also had us served with a bird three
times as large as Cleonymus, and called the Hoax.
DICAEOPOLIS aside
And do we give you two
drachmae, that you should hoax us thus?
AMBASSADOR
We are bringing to you Pseudartabas, the King's Eye.
DICAEOPOLIS
I would a crow might pluck out yours with his beak, you
cursed ambassador!
HERALD loudly
The King's Eye!
Enter PSEUDARTABAS, in Persian costume; his mask is one great
eye; he is accompanied by two eunuchs.
DICAEOPOLIS as he sees
kim
Good God! Friend, with
your great eye, round like the hole through which the oarsman passes his sweep,
you have the air of a galley doubling a cape to gain port.
AMBASSADOR
Come, Pseudartabas, give forth the message for the Athenians
with which you were charged by the Great King.
PSEUDARTABAS
I artamane Xarxas apiaona satra.
AMBASSADOR to
DICAEOPOLIS
Do you understand what
he says?
DICAEOPOLIS
God, no!
AMBASSADOR to the
PRYTANES
He says that the Great
King will send you gold.
to PSEUDARTABAS
Come, utter the word 'gold' louder and more distinctly.
PSEUDARTABAS
Thou shalt not have gold, thou gaping-arsed Ionian.
DICAEOPOLIS
Ah! God help us, but that's clear enough!
AMBASSADOR
What does he say?
DICAEOPOLIS
That the Ionians are gaping-arsed, if they expect to receive
gold from the barbarians.
AMBASSADOR
Not so, he speaks of bushels of gold.
DICAEOPOLIS
What bushels? You're nothing but a wind-bag; get out of the
way; I will find out the truth by myself.
to PSEUDARTABAS
Come now, answer me clearly, if you do not wish me to dye
your skin red. Will the Great King send us gold?
PSEUDARTABAS makes a negative sign.
Then our ambassadors are seeking to deceive us?
PSEUDARTABAS signs affirmatively.
These fellows make signs like any Greek; I am sure that they
are nothing but Athenians. Oh! ho! I recognize one of these eunuchs; it is
Clisthenes, the son of Sibyrtius. Behold the effrontery of this shaven and
provocative arse! How, you big baboon, with such a beard do you seek to play
the eunuch to us? And this other one? Is it not Straton?
HERALD
Silence! Sit down! The Senate invites the King's Eye to the
Prytaneum.
The AMBASSADORS and PSEUDARTABAS depart.
DICAEOPOLIS
Is this not sufficient to drive a man to hang himself? Here I
stand chilled to the bone, whilst the doors of the Prytaneum fly wide open to
lodge such rascals. But I will do something great and bold. Where is
Amphitheus? Come and speak with me.
AMPHITHEUS
Here I am.
DICAEOPOLIS
Take these eight drachmae and go and conclude a truce with
the Lacedaemonians for me, my wife and my children; I leave you free, my dear
Prytanes, to send out embassies and to stand gaping in the air.
AMPHITHEUS rushes out.
HERALD
Bring in Theorus, who has returned from the Court of
Sitalces.
THEORUS rising; he
wears a Thracian costume.
I am here.
DICAEOPOLIS aside
Another humbug!
THEORUS
We should not have remained long in Thrace.....
DICAEOPOLIS
....if you had not been well paid.
THEORUS
....if the country had not been covered with snow; the rivers
were ice-bound....
DICAEOPOLIS aside
That was when Theognis
produced his tragedy.
THEORUS
....during the whole of that time I was holding my own with
Sitalces cup in hand; and, in truth, he adored you to such a degree that he
wrote on the walls, "How beautiful are the Athenians!" His son, to
whom we gave the freedom of the city, burned with desire to come here and eat
sausages at the feast of the Apaturia; he prayed his father to come to the aid
of his new country and Sitalces swore on his goblet that he would succour us
with such a host that the Athenians would exclaim, "What a cloud of grasshoppers!"
DICAEOPOLIS aside
Damned if I believe a
word of what you tell us! Excepting the grasshoppers, there is not a grain of
truth in it all!
THEORUS
And he has sent you the most warlike soldiers of all Thrace.
DICAEOPOLIS aside
Now we shall begin to
see clearly.
HERALD
Come hither, Thracians, whom Theorus brought.
A few Thracians are ushered in; they have a most unwarlike
appearance; the most striking feature of their costume is the circumcised
phallus.
DICAEOPOLIS
What plague have we here?
THEORUS
The host of the Odomanti.
DICAEOPOLIS
Of the Odomanti? Tell me what it means. Who sliced their
tools like that?
THEORUS
If they are given a wage of two drachmae, they will put all
Boeotia to fire and sword.
DICAEOPOLIS
Two drachmae to those circumcised hounds! Groan aloud, ye
people of rowers, bulwark of Athens!
The Odomanti steal his sack
Ah! great gods! I am undone; these Odomanti are robbing me of
my garlic! Give me back my garlic.
THEORUS
Oh! wretched man! do not go near them; they have eaten
garlic.
DICAEOPOLIS
Prytanes, will you let me be treated in this manner, in my
own country and by barbarians? But I oppose the discussion of paying a wage to
the Thracians; I announce an omen; I have just felt a drop of rain.
HERALD
Let the Thracians withdraw and return the day after tomorrow;
the Prytanes declare the sitting at an end.
All leave except DICAEOPOLIS.
DICAEOPOLIS
Ye gods, what garlic I have lost! But here comes Amphitheus
returned from Lacedaemon. Welcome, Amphitheus.
AMPHITHEUS enters, very much out of breath.
AMPHITHEUS
No, there is no welcome for me and I fly as fast as I can,
for I am pursued by the Acharnians.
DICAEOPOLIS
Why, what has happened?
AMPHITHEUS
I was hurrying to bring your treaty of truce, but some old
dotards from Acharnae got scent of the thing; they are veterans of Marathon,
tough as oak or maple, of which they are made for sure-rough and ruthless. They
all started shouting: "Wretch! you are the bearer of a treaty, and the
enemy has only just cut our vines!" Meanwhile they were gathering stones
in their cloaks, so I fled and they ran after me shouting.
DICAEOPOLIS
Let 'em shout as much as they please! But have you brought me
treaty?
AMPHITHEUS
Most certainly, here are three samples to select from, this
one is five years old; taste it.
He hands DICAEOPOLIS a bottle.
DICAEOPOLIS
Faugh!
AMPHITHEUS
What's the matter?
DICAEOPOLIS
I don't like it; it smells of pitch and of the ships they are
fitting out.
AMPHITHEUS handing him
another bottle
Here is another, ten
years old; taste it.
DICAEOPOLIS
It smells strongly of the delegates, who go around the towns
to chide the allies for their slowness.
AMPHITHEUS handing him
a third bottle
This last is a truce
of thirty years, both on sea and land.
DICAEOPOLIS
Oh! by Bacchus! what a bouquet! It has the aroma of nectar
and ambrosia; this does not say to us, "Provision yourselves for three
days." But it lisps the gentle numbers, "Go whither you will." I
accept it, ratify it, drink it at one draught and consign the Acharnians to
limbo. Freed from the war and its ills, I shall celebrate the rural Dionysia.
AMPHITHEUS
And I shall run away, for I'm mortally afraid of the
Acharnians.
AMPHITHEUS runs off. DICAEOPOLIS goes into his house,
carrying his truce. The CHORUS of ACHARNIAN CHARCOAL BURNERS enters, in great
haste and excitement.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
This way all! Let us follow our man; we will demand him of
everyone we meet; the public weal makes his seizure imperative. Ho, there! tell
me which way the bearer of the truce has gone.
CHORUS singing
He has escaped us, he
has disappeared. Damn old age! When I was young, in the days when I followed
Phayllus, running with a sack of coals on my back, this wretch would not have
eluded my pursuit, let him be as swift as he will.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
But now my limbs are stiff; old Lacratides feels his legs are
weighty and the traitor escapes me. No, no, let us follow him; old Acharnians
like our selves shall not be set at naught by a scoundrel....
CHORUS singing
....who has dared, by
Zeus, to conclude a truce when I wanted the war continued with double fury in
order to avenge my ruined lands. No mercy for our foes until I have pierced
their hearts like sharp reed, so that they dare never again ravage my vineyards.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Come, let us seek the rascal; let us look everywhere,
carrying our stones in our hands; let us hunt him from place to place until we
trap him; could never, never tire of the delight of stoning him.
DICAEOPOLIS from
within
Peace! profane men!
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Silence all! Friends, do you hear the sacred formula? Here is
he, whom we seek! This way, all! Get out of his way, surely he comes to offer
an oblation.
The CHORUS withdraws to one side.
DICAEOPOLIS comes out
with a pot in his hand; he is followed by his wife, his daughter, who carries a
basket, and two slaves, who carry the phallus.
Peace, profane men! Let the basket-bearer come forward, and
thou Xanthias, hold the phallus well upright. Daughter, set down the basket and
let us begin the sacrifice.
DAUGHTER OF DICAEOPOLIS
putting down the basket and taking out the sacred cake
Mother, hand me the ladle, that I may spread the sauce on the
cake.
DICAEOPOLIS
It is well! Oh, mighty Bacchus, it is with joy that, freed
from military duty, I and all mine perform this solemn rite and offer thee this
sacrifice; grant that I may keep the rural Dionysia without hindrance and that
this truce of thirty years may be propitious for me. Come, my child, carry the
basket gracefully and with a grave, demure face. Happy he who shall be your
possessor and embrace you so firmly at dawn, that you fart like a weasel. Go
forward, and have a care they don't snatch your jewels in the crowd. Xanthias,
walk behind the basket-bearer and hold the phallus well erect; I will follow,
singing the Phallic hymn; thou, wife, look on from the top of the terrace.
Forward!
He sings
Oh, Phales, companion of the orgies of Bacchus, night
reveller, god of adultery and of pederasty, these past six years I have not
been able to invoke thee. With what joy I return to my farmstead, thanks to the
truce I have concluded, freed from cares, from fighting and from Lamachuses!
How much sweeter, oh Phales, Phales, is it to surprise Thratta, the pretty
woodmaid, Strymodorus' slave, stealing wood from Mount Phelleus, to catch her
under the arms, to throw her, on the ground and lay her, Oh, Phales, Phales! If
thou wilt drink and bemuse thyself with me, we shall to-morrow consume some
good dish in honour of the peace, and I will hang up my buckler over the
smoking hearth.
The procession reaches the place where the CHORUS is hiding.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
That's the man himself. Stone him, stone him, stone him,
strike the wretch. All, all of you, pelt him, pelt him!
DICAEOPOLIS using his
pot for a shield
What is this? By
Heracles, you will smash my pot.
The daughter and the two slaves retreat.
CHORUS singing
excitedly
It is you that we are
stoning, you miserable scoundrel.
DICAEOPOLIS
And for what sin, Acharnian elders, tell me that!
CHORUS singing, with
greater excitement
You ask that, you
impudent rascal, traitor to your country; you alone amongst us all have
concluded a truce, and you dare to look us in the face!
DICAEOPOLIS
But you do not know why I have treated for peace. Listen!
CHORUS singing
fiercely
Listen to you? No, no,
you are about to die, we will annihilate you with our stones.
DICAEOPOLIS
But first of all, listen. Stop, my friends.
CHORUS singing; with
intense hatred
I will hear nothing;
do not address me; I hate you more than I do Cleon, whom one day I shall flay
to make sandals for the Knights. Listen to your long speeches, after you have
treated with the Laconians? No, I will punish you.
DICAEOPOLIS
Friends, leave the Laconians out of debate and consider only
whether I have not done well to conclude my truce.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Done well! when you have treated with a people who know
neither gods, nor truth, nor faith.
DICAEOPOLIS
We attribute too much to the Laconians; as for myself, I know
that they are not the cause of all our troubles.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Oh, indeed, rascal! You dare to use such language to me and
then expect me to spare you!
DICAEOPOLIS
No, no, they are not the cause of all our troubles, and I who
address you claim to be able to prove that they have much to complain of in us.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
This passes endurance; my heart bounds with fury. Thus you
dare to defend our enemies.
DICAEOPOLIS
Were my head on the block I would uphold what I say and rely
on the approval of the people.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Comrades, let us hurl our stones and dye this fellow purple.
DICAEOPOLIS
What black fire-brand has inflamed your heart! You will not
hear me? You really will not, Acharnians?
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
No, a thousand times, no.
DICAEOPOLIS
This is a hateful injustice.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
May I die if I listen.
DICAEOPOLIS
Nay, nay! have mercy, have mercy, Acharnians.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
You shall die.
DICAEOPOLIS
Well, blood for blood! I will kill your dearest friend. I
have here the hostages of Acharnae; I shall disembowel them.
He goes into the house.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Acharnians, what means this threat? Has he got one of our
children in his house? What gives him such audacity?
DICAEOPOLIS coming out
again
Stone me, if it please
you; I shall avenge myself on this.
He shows them a basket.
Let us see whether you have any love for your coals.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Great Gods! this basket is our fellow-citizen. Stop, stop, in
heaven's name!
DICAEOPOLIS
I shall dismember it despite your cries; I will listen to
nothing.
CHORUS singing;
tragically
How, will you kill
this coal-basket, my beloved comrade?
DICAEOPOLIS
Just now you would not listen to me.
CHORUS singing;
plaintively
Well, speak now, if
you will; tell us, tell us you have a weakness for the Lacedaemonians. I
consent to anything; never will I forsake this dear little basket.
DICAEOPOLIS
First, throw down your stones.
CHORUS singing; meekly
There I it's done. And
you put away your sword.
DICAEOPOLIS
Let me see that no stones remain concealed in your cloaks.
CHORUS singing;
petulantly
They are all on the
ground; see how we shake our garments. Come, no haggling, lay down your sword;
we threw away everything while crossing from one side of the Orchestra to the
other.
DICAEOPOLIS
What cries of anguish you would have uttered had these coals
of Parnes been dismembered, and yet it came very near it; had they perished,
their death would have been due to the folly of their fellow-citizens. The poor
basket was so frightened, look, it has shed a thick black dust over me, the
same as a cuttle-fish does. What an irritable temper! You shout and throw
stones, you will not hear my arguments-not even when I propose to speak in
favour of the Lacedaemonians with my head on the block; and yet I cling to
life.
He goes into the house.
CHORUS singing;
belligerently again
Well then, bring out a
block before your door, scoundrel, and let us hear the good grounds you can
give us; I am curious to know them. Now mind, as you proposed yourself, place
your head on the block and speak.
DICAEOPOLIS coming out
of his house, carrying a block
Here is the block;
and, though I am but a very sorry speaker, I wish nevertheless to talk freely
of the Lacedaemonians and without the protection of my buckler. Yet I have many
reasons for fear. I know our rustics; they are delighted if some braggart
comes, and rightly or wrongly, loads both them and their city with praise and
flattery; they do not see that such toad-eaters are traitors, who sell them for
gain. As for the old men, I know their weakness; they only seek to overwhelm
the accused with their votes. Nor have I forgotten how Cleon treated me because
of my comedy last year; he dragged me before the Senate and there he uttered
endless slanders against me; it was a tempest of abuse, a deluge of lies.
Through what a slough of mud he dragged me! I almost perished. Permit me,
therefore, before I speak, to dress in the manner most likely to draw pity.
CHORUS singing;
querulously
What evasions,
subterfuges and delays! Wait! here is the sombre helmet of Pluto with its thick
bristling plume; Hieronymus lends it to you; then open Sisyphus' bag of wiles;
but hurry, hurry, for discussion does not admit of delay.
DICAEOPOLIS
The time has come for me to manifest my courage, so I will go
and seek Euripides.
Knocking on EURIPIDES' door
Ho! slave, slave!
SLAVE opening the door
and poking his head out
Who's there?
DICAEOPOLIS
Is Euripides at home?
SLAVE
He is and he isn't; understand that, if you can.
DICAEOPOLIS
What's that? He is and he isn't!
SLAVE
Certainly, old man; busy gathering subtle fancies here and
there, his mind is not in the house, but he himself is; perched aloft, he is
composing a tragedy.
DICAEOPOLIS
Oh, Euripides, you are indeed happy to have a slave so quick
at redartee! Now, fellow, call your master.
SLAVE
Impossible!
He slams the door.
DICAEOPOLIS
Too bad. But I will not give up. Come, let us knock at the
door again. Euripides, my little Euripides, my darling Euripides, listen; never
had man greater right to your pity. It is Dicaeopolis of the Chollidan Deme who
calls you. Do you hear?
EURIPIDES from within
I have no time to
waste.
DICAEOPOLIS
Very well, have yourself wheeled out here.
EURIPIDES
Impossible.
DICAEOPOLIS
Nevertheless....
EURIPIDES
Well, let them roll me out; as to coming down, I have not the
time.
The eccyclema turns and presents the interior of the house.
EURIPIDES is lying on a bed, his slave beside him. On the back wall are hung up
tragic costumes of every sort and a multitude of accessories is piled up on the
floor.
DICAEOPOLIS
Euripides....
EURIPIDES
What words strike my ear?
DICAEOPOLIS
You perch aloft to compose tragedies, when you might just as
well do them on the ground. No wonder you introduce cripples on the stage. And
why do you dress in these miserable tragic rags? No wonder your heroes are
beggars. But, Euripides, on my knees I beseech you, give me the tatters of some
old piece; for I have to treat the Chorus to a long speech, and if I do it
badly it is all over with me.
EURIPIDES
What rags do you prefer? Those in which I rigged out Oeneus
on the stage, that unhappy, miserable old man?
DICAEOPOLIS
No, I want those of some hero still more unfortunate.
EURIPIDES
Of Phoenix, the blind man?
DICAEOPOLIS
No, not of Phoenix, you have another hero more unfortunate
than him.
EURIPIDES to himself
Now, what tatters does
he want?
to DICAEOPOLIS
Do you mean those of the beggar Philoctetes?
DICAEOPOLIS
No, of another far more beggarly.
EURIPIDES
Is it the filthy dress of the lame fellow, Bellerophon?
DICAEOPOLIS
No, not Bellerophon; the one I mean was not only lame and a
beggar, but boastful and a fine speaker.
EURIPIDES
Ah! I know, it is Telephus, the Mysian.
DICAEOPOLIS
Yes, Telephus. Give me his rags, I beg of you.
EURIPIDES
Slave! give him Telephus' tatters; they are on top of the
rags of Thyestes and mixed with those of Ino. There they are; take them.
DICAEOPOLIS holding up
the costume for the audience to see
Oh! Zeus, whose eye
pierces everywhere and embraces all, permit me to assume the most wretcbed
dress on earth. Euripides, cap your kindness by giving me the little Mysian
hat, that goes so well with these tatters. I must to-day have the look of a
beggar; "be what I am, but not appear to be"; the audience will know
well who I am, but the Chorus will be fools enough not to, and I shall dupe
them with my subtle phrases.
EURIPIDES
I will give you the hat; I love the clever tricks of an
ingenious brain like yours.
DICAEOPOLIS
Rest happy, and may it befall Telephus as I wish. Ah, I
already feel myself filled with quibbles. But I must have a beggar's staff.
EURIPIDES handing him
a staff
Here you are, and now
get away from this porch.
DICAEOPOLIS
Oh, my soul! You see how you are driven from this house, when
I still need so many accessories. But let us be pressing, obstinate,
importunate. Euripides, give me a little basket with a lamp lighted inside.
EURIPIDES
Whatever do you want such a thing as that for?
DICAEOPOLIS
I do not need it, but I want it all the same.
EURIPIDES handing him
a basket
You importune me; get
out of here!
DICAEOPOLIS
Alas! may the gods grant you a destiny as brilliant as your
mother's.
EURIPIDES
Leave me in peace.
DICAEOPOLIS
Oh, just a little broken cup.
EURIPIDES handing him
a cup
Take it and go and
hang yourself.
to himself
What a tiresome fellow!
DICAEOPOLIS
Ah! you do not know all the pain you cause me. Dear, good
Euripides, just a little pot with a sponge for a stopper.
EURIPIDES
Miserable man! You are stealing a whole tragedy. Here, take
it and be off.
He hands DICAEOPOLIS a pot.
DICAEOPOLIS
I am going, but, great gods! I need one thing more; unless I
have it, am a dead man. Hearken, my little Euripides, only give me this and I
go, never to return. For pity's sake, do give me a few small herbs for my
basket.
EURIPIDES
You wish to ruin me then. Here, take what you want; but it is
all over with my plays!
He hands him some herbs.
DICAEOPOLIS
I won't ask another thing; I'm going. I am too importunate
and forget that I rouse against me the hate of kings.
He starts to leave, then returns quickly
Ah! wretch that I am! I am lost! I have forgotten one thing,
without which all the rest is as nothing. Euripides, my excellent Euripides, my
dear little Euripides, may I die if I ask you again for the smallest present;
only one, the last, absolutely the last; give me some of the chervil your
mother left you in her will.
EURIPIDES
Insolent hound! Slave, lock the door!
The eccyclema turns back again.
DICAEOPOLIS
Oh, my soul! we must go away without the chervil. Art thou
sensible of the dangerous battle we are about to engage upon in defending the
Lacedaemonians? Courage, my soul, we must plunge into the midst of it. Dost
thou hesitate and art thou fully steeped in Euripides? That's right! do not
falter, my poor heart, and let us risk our head to say what we hold for truth.
Courage and boldly to the front. I am astonished at my bravery.
He approaches the block.
CHORUS singing;
excitedly
What do you purport
doing? what are you going to say? What an impudent fellow! what a brazen heart!
to dare to stake his head and uphold an opinion contrary to that of us all! And
he does not tremble to face this peril Come, it is you who desired it, speak!
DICAEOPOLIS
Spectators, be not angered if, although I am a beggar, I dare
in comedy to speak before the people of Athens of the public weal; even Comedy
can sometimes discern what is right. I shall not please, but I shall say what
is true. Besides, Cleon shall not be able to accuse me of attacking Athens
before strangers; we are by ourselves at the festival of the Lenaea; the time
when our allies send us their tribute and their soldiers is not yet here. There
is only the pure wheat without the chaff; as to the resident aliens settled
among us, they and the citizens are one, like the straw and the ear.
I detest the Lacedaemonians with all my heart, and may
Posidon, the god of Taenarus, cause an earthquake and overturn their dwellings!
My vines too have been cut. But come (there are only friends who hear me), why
accuse the Laconians of all our woes? Some men (I do not say the city, note
particularly that I do not say the city), some wretches, lost in vices, bereft
of honour, who were not even citizens of good stamp, but strangers, have
accused the Megarians of introducing their produce fraudulently, and not a cucumber,
a leveret, a suckling pig, a clove of garlic, a lump of salt was seen without
its being said, "Halloa! these come from Megara," and their being
instantly confiscated. Thus far the evil was not serious and we were the only
sufferers. But now some young drunkards go to Megara and carry off the harlot
Simaetha; the Megarians, hurt to the quick, run off in turn with two harlots of
the house of Aspasia; and so for three whores Greece is set ablaze. Then
Pericles, aflame with ire on his Olympian height, let loose the lightning,
caused the thunder to roll, upset Greece and passed an edict, which ran like
the song, "That the Megarians be banished both from our land and from our
markets and from the sea and from the continent." Meanwhile the Megarians,
who were beginning to die of hunger, begged the Lacedaemonians to bring about
the abolition of the decree, of which those harlots were the cause; several
times we refused their demand; and from that time there was horrible clatter of
arms everywhere. You will say that Sparta was wrong, but what should she have
done? Answer that. Suppose that a Lacedaemonian had seized a little Seriphian
dog on any pretext and had sold it, would you have endured it quietly? Far from
it, you would at once have sent three hundred vessels to sea, and what an
uproar there would have been through all the city I there it's a band of noisy
soldiery, here a brawl about the election of a Trierarch; elsewhere pay is
being distributed, the Pallas figure-heads are being regilded, crowds are surging
under the market porticos, encumbered with wheat that is being measured,
wine-skins, oar-leathers, garlic, olives, onions in nets; everywhere are
chaplets, sprats, flute-girls, black eyes; in the arsenal bolts are being
noisily driven home, sweeps are being made and fitted with leathers; we hear
nothing but the sound of whistles, of flutes and fifes to encourage the
workers. That is what you assuredly would have done, and would not Telephus
have done the same? So I come to my general conclusion; we have no common
sense.
LEADER OF FIRST SEMI-CHORUS
Oh! wretch! oh! infamous man! You are naught but a beggar and
yet you dare to talk to us like this! you insult their worships the informers!
LEADER OF SECOND SEMI-CHORUS
By Posidon! he speaks the truth; he has not lied in a single
detail.
LEADER OF FIRST SEMI-CHORUS
But though it be true, need he say it? But you'll have no
great cause to be proud of your insolence!
LEADER OF SECOND SEMI-CHORUS
Where are you running to? Don't you move; if you strike this
man, I shall be at you.
FIRST SEMI-CHORUS
bursting into song
Oh! Lamachus, whose
glance flashes lightning, whose plume petrifies thy foes, help! Oh! Lamachus,
my friend, the hero of my tribe and all of you, both officers and soldiers,
defenders of our walls, come to my aid; else is it all over with me!
LAMACHUS comes out of his house armed from head to foot.
LAMACHUS
Whence comes this cry of battle? where must I bring my aid?
where must I sow dread? who wants me to uncase my dreadful Gorgon's head?
DICAEOPOLIS
Oh, Lamachus, great hero! Your plumes and your cohorts
terrify me.
CHORUS-LEADER
This man, Lamachus, incessantly abuses Athens.
LAMACHUS
You are but a mendicant and you dare to use language of this
sort?
DICAEOPOLIS
Oh, brave Lamachus, forgive a beggar who speaks at hazard.
LAMACHUS
But what have you said? Let us hear.
DICAEOPOLIS
I know nothing about it; the sight of weapons makes me dizzy.
Oh! I adjure you, take that fearful Gorgon somewhat farther away.
LAMACHUS
There.
DICAEOPOLIS
Now place it face downwards on the ground.
LAMACHUS
It is done.
DICAEOPOLIS
Give me a plume out of your helmet.
LAMACHUS
Here is a feather.
DICAEOPOLIS
And hold my head while I vomit; the plumes have turned my
stomach.
LAMACHUS
Hah! what are you proposing to do? do you want to make
yourself vomit with this feather?
DICAEOPOLIS
Is it a feather? what bird's? a braggart's?
LAMACHUS
Hah! I will rip you open.
DICAEOPOLIS
No, no, Lamachus! Violence is out of place here! But as you
are so strong, why did you not circumcise me? You have all the tools you need
for the operation there.
LAMACHUS
A beggar dares thus address a general!
DICAEOPOLIS
How? Am I a beggar?
LAMACHUS
What are you then?
DICAEOPOLIS
Who am I? A good citizen, not ambitious; a soldier, who has
fought well since the outbreak of the war, whereas you are but a vile
mercenary.
LAMACHUS
They elected me....
DICAEOPOLIS
Yes, three cuckoos did! If I have concluded peace, it was
disgust that drove me; for I see men with hoary heads in the ranks and young
fellows of your age shirking service. Some are in Thrace getting an allowance
of three drachmae, such fellows as Tisamenophaenippus and Panurgipparchides.
The others are with Chares or in Chaonia, men like Geretotheodorus and
Diomialazon; there are some of the same kidney, too, at Camarina, at Gela, and
at Catagela.
LAMACHUS
They were elected.
DICAEOPOLIS
And why do you always receive your pay, when none of these
others ever gets any? Speak, Marilades, you have grey hair; well then, have you
ever been entrusted with a mission? See! he shakes his head. Yet he is an as
well as a prudent man. And you, Anthracyllus or Euphorides or Prinides, have
you knowledge of Ecbatana or Chaonia? You say no, do you not? Such offices are
good for the son of Coesyra and Lamachus, who, but yesterday ruined with debt,
never pay their shot, and whom all their friends avoid as foot passengers dodge
the folks who empty their slops out of window.
LAMACHUS
Oh! in freedom's name! are such exaggerations to be borne?
DICAEOPOLIS
Not unless Lamachus gets paid for it.
LAMACHUS
But I propose always to war with the Peloponnesians, both at
sea, on land and everywhere to make them tremble, and trounce them soudly.
He goes back into his house.
DICAEOPOLIS
For my own part, I make proclamation to all Peloponnesians,
Megarians and Boeotians, that to them my markets are open; but I debar Lamachus
from entering them.
He goes into his house.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Convinced by this man's speech, the folk have changed their
view and approve him for having concluded peace. But let us prepare for the
recital of the parabasis.
The CHORUS moves forward and faces the audience.
Never since our poet presented comedies, has he praised
himself upon the stage; but, having been slandered by his enemies amongst the
volatile Athenians, accused of scoffing at his country and of insulting the
people, to-day he wishes to reply and regain for himself the inconstant
Athenians. He maintains that he has done much that is good for you; if you no
longer allow yourselves to be too much hoodwinked by strangers or seduced by
flattery, if in politics you are no longer the ninnies you once were, it is
thanks to him. Formerly, when delegates from other cities wanted to deceive
you, they had but to style you, "the people crowned with violets,"
and at the word "violets" you at once sat erect on the tips of your
bums. Or if, to tickle your vanity, someone spoke of "rich and sleek
Athens," in return for that "sleekness" he would get anything he
wanted, because he spoke of you as he would have of anchovies in oil. In cautioning
you against such wiles, the poet has done you great service as well as in
forcing you to understand what is really the democratic principle. Thus the
strangers, who came to pay their tributes, wanted to see this great poet, who
had dared to speak the truth to Athens. And so far has the fame of his boldness
reached that one day the Great King, when questioning the Lacedaemonian
delegates, first asked them which of the two rival cities was the superior at
sea, and then immediately demanded at which it was that the comic poet directed
his biting satire. "Happy that city," he added, "if it listens
to his counsel; it will grow in power, and its victory is assured." This
is why the Lacedaemonians offer you peace, if you will cede them Aegina; not
that they care for the isle, but they wish to rob you of your poet. As for you,
never lose him, who will always fight for the cause of justice in his comedies;
he promises you that his precepts will lead you to happiness, though he uses
neither flattery, nor bribery, nor intrigue, nor deceit; instead of loading you
with praise, he will point you to the better way. I scoff at Cleon's tricks and
plotting; honesty and justice shall fight my cause; never will you find me a
political poltroon, a prostitute to the highest bidder.
FIRST SEMI-CHORUS
singing
I invoke thee,
Acharnian Muse, fierce and fell as the devouring fire; sudden as the spark that
bursts from the crackling oaken coal when roused by the quickening fan to fry
little fishes, while others knead the dough or whip the sharp Thasian pickle
with rapid hand, so break forth, my Muse, and inspire thy tribesmen with rough,
vigorous, stirring strains.
LEADER OF FIRST SEMI-CHORUS
We others, now old men and heavy with years, we reproach the
city; so many are the victories we have gained for the Athenian fleets that we
well deserve to be cared for in our declining life; yet far from this, we are
ill-used, harassed with law-suits, delivered over to the scorn of stripling
orators. Our minds and bodies being ravaged with age, Posidon should protect
us, yet we have no other support than a staff. When standing before the judge,
we can scarcely stammer forth the fewest words, and of justice we see but its
barest shadow, whereas the accuser, desirous of conciliating the younger men,
overwhelms us with his ready rhetoric; he drags us before the judge, presses us
with questions, lays traps for us; the onslaught troubles, upsets and ruins
poor old Tithonus, who, crushed with age, stands tongue-tied; sentenced to a
fine, he weeps, he sobs and says to his friend, "This fine robs me of the
last trifle that was to have bought my coffin."
SECOND SEMI-CHORUS
singing
Is this not a scandal?
What! the clepsydra is to kill the white-haired veteran, who, in fierce
fighting, has so oft covered himself with glorious sweat, whose valour at
Marathon saved the country! We were the ones who pursued on the field of
Marathon, whereas now it is wretches who pursue us to the death and crush us.
What would Marpsias reply to this?
LEADER OF SECOND SEMI-CHORUS
What an injustice that a man, bent with age like Thucydides,
should be brow-beaten by this braggart advocate, Cephisodemus, who is as savage
as the Scythian desert he was born in! I wept tears of pity when I saw a
Scythian maltreat this old man, who, by Ceres, when he was young and the true
Thucydides, would not have permitted an insult from Ceres herself! At that date
he would have floored ten orators like Euathlus, he would have terrified three
thousand Scythians with his shouts; he would have pierced the whole line of the
enemy with his shafts. Ah! but if you will not leave the aged in peace, decree
that the advocates be matched; thus the old man will only be confronted with a
toothless greybeard, the young will fight with the braggart, the ignoble with
the son of Clinias; make law that in the future, the old man can only be
summoned and convicted at the courts by the aged and the young man by the
youth.
DICAEOPOLIS coming out
of his house and marking out a square in front of it
These are the confines of my market-place. All
Peloponnesians, Megarians, Boeotians, have the right to come and trade here,
provided they sell their wares to me and not to Lamachus. As market-inspectors
I appoint these three whips of Leprean leather, chosen by lot. Warned away are
all informers and all men of Phasis. They are bringing me the pillar on which
the treaty is inscribed and I shall erect it in the centre of the market, well
in sight of all.
He goes back into the house just as a Megarian enters from
the left, carrying a sack on his shoulder and followed by his two little
daughters.
MEGARIAN
Hail! market of Athens, beloved of Megarians. Let Zeus, the
patron of friendship, witness, I regretted you as a mother mourns her son.
Come, poor little daughters of an unfortunate father, try to find something to
eat; listen to me with the full heed of an empty belly. Which would you prefer?
To be sold or to cry with hunger?
DAUGHTERS
To be sold, to be sold!
MEGARIAN
That is my opinion too. But who would make so sorry a deal as
to buy you? Ah! I recall me a Megarian trick; I am going to disguise you as
little porkers, that I am offering for sale. Fit your hands with these hoofs
and take care to appear the issue of a sow of good breed, for, if I am forced
to take you back to the house, by Hermes! you will suffer cruelly of hunger!
Then fix on these snouts and cram yourselves into this sack. Forget not to
grunt and to say wee-wee like the little pigs that are sacrificed in the
Mysteries. I must summon Dicaeopolis. Where is be?
Loudly
Dicaeopolis, do you want to buy some nice little porkers?
DICAEOPOLIS coming out
of his house
Who are you? a
Megarian?
MEGARIAN
I have come to your market.
DICAEOPOLIS
Well, how are things at Megara?
MEGARIAN
We are crying with hunger at our firesides.
DICAEOPOLIS
The fireside is jolly enough with a piper. But what else is
doing at Megara?
MEGARIAN
What else? When I left for the market, the authorities were
taking steps to let us die in the quickest manner.
DICAEOPOLIS
That is the best way to get you out of all your troubles.
MEGARIAN
True.
DICAEOPOLIS
What other news of Megara? What is wheat selling at?
MEGARIAN
With us it is valued as highly as the very gods in heaven!
DICAEOPOLIS
Is it salt that you are bringing?
MEGARIAN
Aren't you the ones that are holding back the salt?
DICAEOPOLIS
Is it garlic then?
MEGARIAN
What! garlic! do you not at every raid like mice grub up the
ground with your pikes to pull out every single head?
DICAEOPOLIS
What are you bringing then?
MEGARIAN
Little sows, like those they immolate at the Mysteries.
DICAEOPOLIS
Ah! very well, show me them.
MEGARIAN
They are very fine; feel their weight. See! how fat and fine.
DICAEOPOLIS feeling
around in the sack
Hey! what's this?
MEGARIAN
A sow.
DICAEOPOLIS
A sow, you say? Where from, then?
MEGARIAN
From Megara. What! isn't it a sow then?
DICAEOPOLIS feeling
around in the sack again
No, I don't believe it
is.
MEGARIAN
This is too much! what an incredulous man! He says it's not a
sow; but we will stake, if you will, a measure of salt ground up with thyme,
that in good Greek this is called a sow and nothing else.
DICAEOPOLIS
But a sow of the human kind.
MEGARIAN
Without question, by Diocles! of my own breed! Well! What
think you? would you like to hear them squeal?
DICAEOPOLIS
Yes, I would.
MEGARIAN
Cry quickly, wee sowlet; squeak up, hussy, or by Hermes! I
take you back to the house.
DAUGHTERS
Wee-wee, wee-wee!
MEGARIAN
Is that a little sow, or not?
DICAEOPOLIS
Yes, it seems so; but let it grow up, and it will be a fine
fat thing.
MEGARIAN
In five years it will be just like its mother.
DICAEOPOLIS
But it cannot be sacrificed.
MEGARIAN
And why not?
DICAEOPOLIS
It has no tail.
MEGARIAN
Because it is quite young, but in good time it will have a
big one, thick and red. But if you are willing to bring it up you will have a
very fine sow.
DICAEOPOLIS
The two are as like as two peas.
MEGARIAN
They are born of the same father and mother; let them be
fattened, let them grow their bristles, and they will be the finest sows you
can offer to Aphrodite.
DICAEOPOLIS
But sows are not immolated to Aphrodite.
MEGARIAN
Not sows to Aphrodite! Why, she's the only goddess to whom
they are offered! the flesh of my sows will be excellent on your spit.
DICAEOPOLIS
Can they eat alone? They no longer need their mother?
MEGARIAN
Certainly not, nor their father.
DICAEOPOLIS
What do they like most?
MEGARIAN
Whatever is given them; but ask for yourself.
DICAEOPOLIS
Speak! little sow.
DAUGHTERS
Wee-wee, wee-wee!
DICAEOPOLIS
Can you eat chick-pease?
DAUGHTERS
Wee-wee, wee-wee, wee-wee!
DICAEOPOLIS
And Attic figs?
DAUGHTERS
Wee-wee, wee-wee!
DICAEOPOLIS
What sharp squeaks at the name of figs. Come, let some figs
be brought for these little pigs. Will they eat them? Goodness! how they munch
them, what a grinding of teeth, mighty Heracles! I believe those pigs hail from
the land of the Voracians.
MEGARIAN aside
But they have not
eaten all the figs; I took this one myself.
DICAEOPOLIS
Ah! what curious creatures! For what sum will you sell them?
MEGARIAN
I will give you one for a bunch of garlic, and the other, if
you like, for a quart measure of salt.
DICAEOPOLIS
I'll buy them. Wait for me here.
He goes into the house.
MEGARIAN
The deal is done. Hermes, god of good traders, grant I may
sell both my wife and my mother in the same way!
An INFORMER enters.
INFORMER
Hi! fellow, what country are you from?
MEGARIAN
I am a pig-merchant from Megara.
INFORMER
I shall denounce both your pigs and yourself as public
enemies.
MEGARIAN
Ah! here our troubles begin afresh!
INFORMER
Let go of that sack. I'll teach you to talk Megarian!
MEGARIAN loudly
Dicaeopolis, want to
denounce me.
DICAEOPOLIS from
within
Who dares do this
thing?
He comes out of his house.
Inspectors, drive out the informers. Ah! you offer to
enlighten us without a lamp!
INFORMER
What! I may not denounce our enemies?
DICAEOPOLIS With a
threatening gesture
Watch out for
yourself, and go off pretty quick and denounce elsewhere.
The INFORMER runs away.
MEGARIAN
What a plague to Athens!
DICAEOPOLIS
Be reassured, Megarian. Here is the price for your two
sowlets, the garlic and the salt. Farewell and much happiness!
MEGARIAN
Ah! we never have that amongst us.
DICAEOPOLIS
Oh, I'm sorry if I said the wrong thing
MEGARIAN
Farewell, dear little sows, and seek, far from your father,
to munch your bread with salt, if they give you any.
He departs and DICAEOPOLIS takes the "sows" into
his house.
CHORUS singing
Here is a man truly
happy. See how everything succeeds to his wish. Peacefully seated in his
market, he will earn his living; woe to Ctesias, and all other informers who
dare to enter there! You will not be cheated as to the value of wares, you will
not again see Prepis wiping his big arse, nor will Cleonymus jostle you; you
will take your walks, clothed in a fine tunic, without meeting Hyperbolus and
his unceasing quibblings, without being accosted on the public place by any
importunate fellow, neither by Cratinus, shaven in the fashion of the
adulterers, nor by this musician, who plagues us with his silly improvisations,
that hyper-rogue Artemo, with his arm-pits stinking as foul as a goat, like his
father before him. You will not be the butt of the villainous Pauson's jeers,
nor of Lysistratus, the disgrace of the Cholargian deme, who is the incarnation
of all the vices, and endures cold and hunger more than thirty days in the
month.
A BOEOTIAN enters, followed by his slave, who is carrying a
large assortment of articles of food, and by a troop of flute players.
BOEOTIAN
By Heracles! my shoulder is quite black and blue. Ismenias,
put the penny-royal down there very gently, and all of you, musicians from
Thebes, strike up on your bone flutes "The Dog's Arse."
The Musicians immediately begin an atrocious rendition of a
vulgar tune.
DICAEOPOLIS
Enough, damn you; get out of here Rascally hornets, away with
you! Whence has sprung this accursed swarm of Chaeris fellows which comes
assailing my door?
The Musicians depart.
BOEOTIAN
Ah! by Iolas! Drive them off, my dear host, you will please
me immensely; all the way from Thebes, they were there piping behind me and
they have completely stripped my penny-royal of its blossom. But will you buy
anything of me, some chickens or some locusts?
DICAEOPOLIS
Ah! good day, Boeotian. eater of good round loaves. What do
you bring?
BOEOTIAN
All that is good in Boeotia, marjoram, penny-royal,
rush-mats, lampwicks, ducks, jays, woodcocks, water-fowl, wrens, divers.
DICAEOPOLIS
A regular hail of birds is beating down on my market.
BOEOTIAN
I also bring geese, hares, foxes, moles, hedgehogs, cats,
lyres, martins, otters and eels from the Copaic lake.
DICAEOPOLIS
Ah! my friend, you, who bring me the most delicious of fish,
let me salute your eels.
BOEOTIAN in tragic
style
Come, thou, the eldest
of my fifty Copaic virgins, come and complete the joy of our host.
DICAEOPOLIS likewise
Oh! my well-beloved,
thou object of my long regrets, thou art here at last then, thou, after whom
the comic poets sigh, thou, who art dear to Morychus. Slaves, hither with the
stove and the bellows. Look at this charming eel, that returns to us after six
long years of absence. Salute it, my children; as for myself, I will supply
coal to do honour to the stranger. Take it into my house; death itself could
not separate me from her, if cooked with beet leaves.
BOEOTIAN
And what will you give me in return?
DICAEOPOLIS
It will pay for your market dues. And as to the rest, what do
you wish to sell me?
BOEOTIAN
Why, everything.
DICAEOPOLIS
On what terms? For ready-money or in wares from these parts?
BOEOTIAN
I would take some Athenian produce, that we have not got in
Boeotia,
DICAEOPOLIS
Phaleric anchovies, pottery?
BOEOTIAN
Anchovies, pottery? But these we have. I want produce that is
wanting with us and that is plentiful here.
DICAEOPOLIS
Ah! I have the very thing; take away an informer, packed up
carefully as crockery-ware.
BOEOTIAN
By the twin gods! I should earn big money, if I took one; I
would exhibit him as an ape full of spite.
DICAEOPOLIS as an
informer enters
Hah! here we have
Nicarchus, who comes to denounce you.
BOEOTIAN
How small he is!
DICAEOPOLIS
But all pure evil.
NICARCHUS
Whose are these goods?
DICAEOPOLIS
Mine, they come from Boeotia, I call Zeus to witness.
NICARCHUS
I denounce them as coming from an enemy's country.
BOEOTIAN
What! you declare war against birds?
NICARCHUS
And I am going to denounce you too.
BOEOTIAN
What harm have I done you?
NICARCHUS
I will say it for the benefit of those that listen; you
introduce lampwicks from an enemy's country.
DICAEOPOLIS
Then you even denounce a wick.
NICARCHUS
It needs but one to set an arsenal afire.
DICAEOPOLIS
A wick set an arsenal ablaze! But how, great gods?
NICARCHUS
Should a Boeotian attach it to an insect's wing, and, taking
advantage of a violent north wind, throw it by means of a tube into the arsenal
and the fire once get hold of the vessels, everything would soon be devoured by
the flames.
DICAEOPOLIS
Ah! wretch! an insect and a wick devour everything!
He strikes him.
NICARCHUS to the
CHORUS
You will bear witness,
that he mishandles me.
DICAEOPOLIS to the
BOEOTIAN
Shut his mouth. Give
me some hay; I am going to pack him up like a vase, that he may not get broken
on the road.
The INFORMER is bound and gagged and packed in hay.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Pack up your goods carefully, friend; that the stranger may
not break it when taking it away.
DICAEOPOLIS
I shall take great care with it.
He hits the INFORMER on the head and a stifled cry is heard.
One would say he is cracked already; he rings with a false
note, which the gods abhor.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
But what will be done with him?
DICAEOPOLIS
This is a vase good for all purposes; it will be used as a
vessel for holding all foul things, a mortar for pounding together law-suits, a
lamp for spying upon accounts, and as a cup for the mixing up and poisoning of
everything.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
None could ever trust a vessel for domestic use that has such
a ring about it.
DICAEOPOLIS
Oh! it is strong, my friend, and will never get broken, if
care is taken to hang it head downwards.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
to the BOEOTIAN
There! it is well
packed now!
BOEOTIAN
Well then, I will proceed to carry off my bundle.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Farewell, worthiest of strangers, take this informer, good
for anything, and fling him where you like.
DICAEOPOLIS
Bah! this rogue has given me enough trouble to pack! Here!
Boeotian, pick up your pottery.
BOEOTIAN
Stoop, Ismenias, that I may put it on your shoulder, and be
very careful with it.
DICAEOPOLIS
You carry nothing worth having; however, take it, for you
will profit by your bargain; the informers will bring you luck.
The BOEOTIAN and his slave depart; DICAEOPOLIS goes into his
house; a slave comes out of LAMACHUS' house.
SLAVE
Dicaeopolis!
DICAEOPOLIS from
within
What's the matter? Why
are you calling me?
SLAVE
Lamachus wants to keep the Feast of Cups, and I come by his
order to bid you one drachma for some thrushes and three more for a Copaic eel.
DICAEOPOLIS coming out
And who is this
Lamachus, who demands an eel?
SLAVE in tragic style
He is the terrible,
indefatigable Lamachus, who is always brandishing his fearful Gorgon's head and
the three plumes which o'ershadow his helmet.
DICAEOPOLIS
No, no, he will get nothing, even though he gave me his
buckler. Let him eat salt fish while he shakes his plumes, and, if he comes
here making any din, I shall call the inspectors. As for myself, I shall take
away all these goods;
in tragic style
I go home on thrushes' wings and black-birds' pinions.
He goes into his house.
FIRST SEMI-CHORUS
singing
You see, citizens, you
see the good fortune which this man owes to his prudence, to his profound
wisdom. You see how, since he has concluded peace, he buys what is useful in
the household and good to eat hot. All good things flow towards him unsought.
Never will welcome the god of war in my house; never shall he sing the
"Harmodius" at my table; he is a sot, who comes feasting with those
who are overflowing with good things and brings all manner of mischief in his
train. He overthrows, ruins, rips open; it is vain to make him a thousand
offers, to say "be seated, pray, and drink this cup, profered in all
friendship"; he burns our vine-stocks and brutally spills on the ground
the wine from our vineyards.
SECOND SEMI-CHORUS
singing
This man, on the other
hand, covers his table with a thousand dishes; proud of his good fortunes, he
has had these feathers cast before his door to show us how he lives.
A woman appears, bearing the attributes of Peace.
Oh, Peace! companion of fair Aphrodite and of the sweet
Graces, how charming are thy features and yet I never knew it! Would that Eros
might join me to thee, Eros crowned with roses as Zeuxis shows him to us! Do I
seem somewhat old to thee? I am yet able to make thee a threefold offering;
despite my age I could plant a long row of vines for you; then beside these
some tender cuttings from the fig; finally a youn, vinestock, loaded with
fruit, and all around the field olive trees, to furnish us with oil wherewith
to anoint us both at the New Moons.
A HERALD enters.
HERALD
Oyez, oyez! As was the custom of your forebears, empty a full
pitcher of wine at the call of the trumpet; he who first sees the bottom shall
get a wine-skin as round and plump as Ctesiphon's belly.
DICAEOPOLIS coming out
of the house; to his family within
No comments:
Post a Comment